Live a healthier and happier life today! :: Weasley's Words of Wizdumb ::

.: Week Twenty-One :.

Dear George and George's twin,

George, I wanted to know how you became such a great, good, perfect, better wizard than your twin. I'm in Gryffindor in my 5th year. Could you tell Ginny I'm her no.1 fan? I'd say lots of love but my boyfriend would kill me.

p.s. George, what’s your twin’s name?

see ya,

~ from Clare

Dear Clare!

George: How did I become such a “great, good, perfect, better wizard” than Fred?

Fred: That’s my name by the way.

George: …yes, thank you Fred. Let’s see. . .

Fred: How about all the times I let you look at my homework. . .

George: Oh, was that you?

Fred: And what about the time I showed you my new move on the quidditch pitch?

George: Oh yeeeaaahh. . .

Fred: And I can’t believe you forgot about last Christmas.

George: What in Dobby’s name happened last Christmas?

Fred: I don’t know. That’s why I can’t believe you forgot!

George: So, there you have it Clare. It’s apparently all my brother’s doing that I’m such a great wizard.

Fred: . . .got that right. . .

George: I’ll be sure to mention you to Ginny. It’s going to be hard with her snogging all the flippin’ time. It’s hard to get a word in edge wise *shakes head*

“lots of love”,
George and my twin *wink*

Fred: My name is FRED!


Dear Fred and George,

I have a crush on Ron and Fred but my friends say that they’re as ugly as ugly can get. Sorry George I think that you’re okay but Fred is better. So can you help me pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

~ Mrs. Weasly

Dear Mrs Weasly,

Fred: Another day, another fan.

George: What are you talking about?

Fred: I have another fan.

George: No, Ron does!

Fred: You’re in denial.

George: Denial of what?

Fred: Never mind.

The Advisable Twins,
Gred and Forge


Hey twins,

I think that Ron is really cute but my friends think that he is as ugly as ugly can get. Should I stop loving him?

~ Love Ron

Dear Ron,

George: How many Ron Fans can there be?

Fred: Did you hit your head on something?

George: something really hard.

Fred: Why don’t you listen to your friends?

George: Ron has got his eyes on another girl

The Exasperated Twins,
Fred and George


Dearest Twins,

My name is Cleopatra and I'm a Percy. I'm dreadfully sorry, I've been to one too many group therapy sessions. I'm a bit what you'd call a perfectionist. I was wondering if you could help me. I really don't want to care if I get only an E on a exam, or if I break a rule. But you see, it's a difficult thing.

I guess my problem is I don't want this for myself, because I don't see what's wrong with being happy with an O, or wanting better than an E, if something's easy, should you not still try to better if you can if it's not perfect? Or if you do well, is it okay to be proud? No, I find it difficult to really think I'm doing anything wrong, but my friends do. I know they're right, but It's hard.

Can you help me not be a perfectionist? Or at least get Harry or Ron to help, it seems Hermione's loosened up a bit. I want to too.


~ Cleopatra R. Smith

Dear Cleopatra R. Smith,

Fred: Ahhh. Finally someone with sense.

George: Percy should’ve come to us years ago.

Fred: We’re glad someone didn’t give n to his example.

George: Why don’t you break a bunch of rules?

Fred: You can always stop by at our shop and bye a few items to help you on your way.

George: Send us and owl and we can give you lessons!

Prankfully Yours,
Fred and George


Dear gorgeous fred and george,

I really want to go to hogwarts I never got a letter. The weird part is I show magical skills all the time. This is confussin me...I also want to do Muggle acting but don't no where to find auditions the only one I no of was for the latest Harry Potter film to be Luna Lovegood but I didn't get through. Help me with both please!!! Plus You guys are hot. Yours,

~ Luna Wannabe

Dear Luna Wannabe,

Fred: Have you ever considered how boring Hogwarts can be?

George: Yea! So what if Defense is fun and Divination is hilarious?

Fred: So what if you get to miss out on Hogsmead, with The Three Broomsticks, Honeydukes, and the Shrieking Shack in all of it’s Shrieking glory.

George: It’s not as fun as it looks like!

Hopefully Helpful,
Fred and George


Dear Sirs,

I'm quite unsure what to do, you see there's this boy I know, very brave kid, but he plans on becoming an auror. I care what happens to him, he's almost even my friend. You see, we once visited the Department of Mysteries together. Well anyway, I don't have any friends, people seem to think me odd, so those who are close to me, I don't want to turn my back on.

The problem is, I'm not sure I can associate with someone who wants to be part of the Rotfang Conspiracy. I mean Dark Magic and gum disease, breaking down the ministry?! Oh man I can't do this! Though this is a problem I often think of, it's not the really reason I'm writing. The truth is I fear that you have a pressing problem on your hands.

You readers are so dedicated, but so are you costumers. I don't think it's fair to keep either waiting. I purpose that you ask someone new to help you with your column, perhaps, someone smart, some one who has the wisdom to see many things that others don't, perhaps a Ravenclaw who has nothing better to do, perhaps, ah, yes, perhaps me-I mean Luna Lovegood. I hear that if she doesn't get an offer, she'll take her services somewhere else, like the Quibbler. You wouldn't want that now would you! The last thing you need is more competition. I hope you take my suggestion to heart,


~ Lunar Eclipse

Dear Lunar Eclipse,

Fred: So, Lunar Eclipse, you think that Aurors are evil?

George: Have you been reading that rubbish paper The Quibbler?

Fred: Yea, did you see that stupid article about Stubby Boardman?

George: That was nonsense.

Fred: Why don't you stop reading The Quibbler?

George: Ever thought of that?

Fred: And, It also might interest you that we've been on vacation.

George: Anextendedvacation.

Fred: We don't need any help!

George and Fred


Dear Gred and Forge,

First of all, you guys are awesome. I love you (bet you've never heard that one...heh heh.) Also, I think that Fred should hex George, because it would make things a bit different, and because I like Fred a tad more than George (sorry, George.) Anyways, I have this problem. I have two best friends, but when they are together, they don't fight, they just make things chaotic. They trash my room, wrestle each other, and, in other words, disturb the peace. I don't want to stifle their freedom, but it's getting on my nerves. I like them both, but I need your help. How can I calm them down at birthday parties, dinners, etc.?


~ Troubled friend

Dear Troubled Friend,


George: No! Don't Hex Me!

Fred: She said to Hex George!

George: But she was joking!

Fred: She was? *Lowers wand*

George: No *Hexes Fred*

Fred: *Collapses on Floor*

George: Well, friend, the answer is simple. HEX THEM!

Your Hexing Friend,



Dear Georgia-Porgy and Fredrick,

hahahahahaha My friend Eric is the kind of person who is REALLY opinionated and if you want to talk about anything with him you have to have the same point iof view as him but.......

not everyone does my other friend and I listen to his opinion if it is a different one that ours . But when we ask for him to respect our opinion he brushes it off his shoulder like he doesnt care and my other friend and I would really like our opinions to be respected and for him to accept that not eveyone thinks the way he does.

How can I get him to accept mine and my other friends opinion? THANKS.




Fred: Stop by our store and get a dream charm.

George: You can dream all day while he drones on and on and on and on and on...

Fred: Thats enough, George, I think he's got the idea.

Fred and George


George and Fred,

First of all you guys are so HOT and really funny(blushing).....Ok now to my problem. Just about all of my whole family makes fun of me and calls me FAT. You would think that your family is supposed to be the people to catch you when you fall or at least I thought that(Guess I was wrong).And I'm not very good at opening up to just about anyone on really any subject but this topic is a touchy one.

I just wouldnt talk either way. I mean I play basketball and have tried things before but nothing works and I have just about no self- esteam left, and you guys are really good at making people laugh. I mean I actually Laugh Out Loud!!!!! So please make me laugh. And so

what can I do? I'm a Muggle so I cant hex anyone(too bad)THANKS ALOT!!!!!!!!!




Fred: Why don't you just hex them?

George: Yea, that always works!

Fred: Speaking of hexing...

George: OH NO YOU DON'T!*Whips out his wand*

Fred: *Starts dueling George*

George and Fred


Dear George and Fred,

You may not have gotten my latest email (from what i can tell you've gone on vacation. Just HAVE to spend all that money dont you?) younger sister drives me crazy! She is constantly in my face and yakking about complete nonsense!

And when she isnt doing that, she is finding new ways to annoy me to death. now, I would have shut her up ages ago, but as a Muggle, I havent acquired the wand needed to do the shutting-up. I need basic ways to get back at her, and I figured I would ask the masters. So, any ideas?

And by the way, I heard Flitwick still hasnt removed the piece of Portable Swamp he roped off for you guys. Excellent work!

love always,

~ sister-seeking-revenge

Dear Sister-seeking-revenge,

Fred: Give her a Ton-Tounge-Toffe.

George: She'll definately stop talking then.

Fred: Or you could put a portable swamp in her room.

George: Except she might get mad...

Good Luck,
Fred and George


I like this guy but he is my brothers friend. What should I do? By the way, this is not Ginny. I am in the same position as her but I am a stupid Muggle so yeah.


~ Michelle

Dear Michelle,

Fred: Darling, you are only a “stupid” muggle if your last name ends with “Dursley”.

George: *dies laughing*

Fred: It’s true! No, but on a more serious note, I say if you like your brother’s friend then go for it!

George: Hang on… is he your brother’s best friend?

Fred: What does that have to do with anything?!

George: Well, if it’s anything like Ginny’s situation…I think she needs to take a step back and observe for a bit.

Fred: Oh my God, Michelle, I apologize for anything George has said or is going to say. He is going through this phase in his life where he thinks he is a psycho I mean a psychologist.

George: Hey! *points finger* Watch it Weasley……

Fred: Anyway, my non psychotic advice is to go for it sista!

The sane stuck with the insane,
Fred and George


Dear Fred and George,

First of all, I'd like to state that you're both gorgeous...though it is sometimes hard to tell which one of you is better. . .but I'm sure you won't marry the same girl so don't fuss too much about it. Secondly, I'd like to say that I'm from Croom, Ireland and I'm not a Muggle. . .in fact I was riding my broomstick the other day, approaching the shores of Scotland when I saw a strange movement in the water far below me. Moving closer, I noticed it was not a boat but, in fact, the Lochness monster. Riding the 'ness was an absolutely gorgeous merman (as gorgeous as they can be ). He told me he loved me...amazingly he spoke Gaelic so I understood him. . .but the problem is I've never met him before and also he's a merman so how would I ever have a relationship with him. . .unless he somehow became a man? What should I do men?


~ The Unfortunate Traveler

Dear Unfortunate one,

Fred: Wow! The big “L” Monster?!

George: Focus, Fred.

Fred: and there was a merman?!

George: Fred……

Fred: and he said he loves you?!

George: Fred!

Fred: Ok, ok…geez, I got a little excited for a moment…*mumbles* bloody hell.

George: Right. What you need to do is go and find Neville Longbottom and he can hook you up with some Gillyweed.

Fred: Remember the Tri Wizard Tournament last year?

George: Of course she does.

Fred: I’m just asking. Neville is who helped out Harry if you did not know and that’s your opportunity to get all the Gillyweed you’ll need!

George: I would keep an eye out for the other merpeople with tridents, the stinging grindylows, and the enraging wife.

Fred: What?

George: Yea. Everyone knows that all mermen have wives.

Fred: Maybe if you hide behind a rock. . you’ll be ok?

Best of luck to you,
Fred and George


I have one dude that I am going out with and another dude likes me too, I like both them and I see one of them at school everyday and one of them I don't. The one I am going out with I talk on the phone to him everyday and I don't know what to do with either one of them!!

~ Christine

Dear Christine,

George: Wow. Um, maybe you can start by…Fred?

Fred: Right. Yes, the first thing you should do is…

George: I think what Fred and I are trying to say is…how in the bloody world did you get in this situation in the first place?

Fred: I guess it all boils down to who you love the most.

George: Very good, Fred.

Fred: Oh shut up, George. I’m serious. Maybe you can weigh out the pros and cons of each bloke and who ever looks the best then that’s it!

George: Our point is…you have got to cut one of the guys loose. It’s not fair to either one of them.

Fred: Right.

George: Let one down gently. We do not want to see any of this double agent action going on.

Fred: Exactly. I know if I were a guy I would want all the attention.

George: There are so many things wrong with that sentence that I’m just going to ignore it. Michelle, love, do what you think is the best for you (and that will include one guy only).

Fred: Good luck!

George and Fred Weasley


Dear Fred and George,

I have a problem cause I like this one boy but I don't know if he likes me Back. He has asked about me…does that mean that he likes me? How are some ways to tell if he likes me? P.S. I loved the 4th Harry Potter movie. It was great!

Yours truly,

~ Crushed

Dear Crushed,

George: What would I do if I thought a guy liked me?

Fred: I know what I would do!

George: Oh, you know what I mean…if I were a girl, Fred…

Fred: Hey, whatever floats your boat.

George: *sigh* Anyway, I might ask around a bit and see what other people are saying but, you need to ask the right people. Do not ask his friends.

Fred: Right. If you do, then they’ll make a B-line straight to him and spill everything.

George: and once you feel confident enough in yourself to talk to him…then you should ask him yourself.

Fred: I’m not so sure about that…

George: And why not?

Fred: Because you are talking about being a girl.

George: Hypothetically!

Fred: Oh, right. “Hypothetically”

George: If he is asking about you then chances are…he’s into you. *wink*

Fred: and what’s this about a Harry Potter movie?! Has Harry been sucked into the mugle world of acting or something? *shrugs* Anyway, let me know how it all works out!

George: It is going to work, Fred.

George and Fred


The coolest, hottest twins on the planet,

Hi! You see I have this problem. I like George the most (sorry fred he is just irristibly cute) anyways well I like alot of guys that go to Hogwarts I like you two (George), Ron, Harry, and don't laugh but *takes a deep breath* Neville! Ok I said it *katie turns the color of Harry's Quiditch robes* actually now that I think of it I don't feel so bad after all. Ok but if I tell Neville and Ron that I like them I'm scared I'll make a fool of myself because face it I already told you. So will you tell Ron to read this and see what he says and then if you can show Neville or tell him please!!!!!!! Because I can't! I love you

~ Katie xoxoxoxo

P.S. I am sorry Fred but George is a little bit cuter than you! *wink* but I still like you *wink*

Fred: ROOOOOOOOOOOON! Come ‘ere!

Ron: What? I’m busy!

George: Doing what?

Ron: *Turns red* I was with Hermione if you must know.

Fred and George: *Smirking* Ron and Hermione sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Ron:*turning even more red* Shut up!!

Fred:*Laughing* Hermione has competition! Read this.

Ron: *Reads email and then turns scarlet* Who is this?

George: A muggle named Katie


George:*Looks innocent* No!

Ron:*Cast a jinx at his brothers*


All three boys: Sorry Mum.

The hottest Twins on the planet,
Fred and George Weasley


Fred and George,

Hey, I have a problem I like these guys in Gryffindor and I don’t know how to tell them. I was hoping you could show Ron and Harry this and maybe Neville. Please?! Anyways I love you guys!

~ Katie xoxoxoxo

Dear Katie,

Fred: If you love us, why would we show someone else this letter, e-owl thing?

George: Yea really. But maybe we should Fred.


George: Well if she likes us, why should we disappoint her and risk losing one of our fans?

Fred:Oooooo You do have a point there. Ok, I guess we will support our fans and show this e-owl to the boys of Gryffindor.

Hot Former Gryffindor guys.


Dear the hottest red heads on the planet,

My brother is so mean to me! He spits on me, kicks me, bites me, licks me, hits me, punches me, etc. But the pathetic part is, he's 5! I don't know what to do! If I was a witch I would so put a tripping jinx or a bat-bogey hex on him! But noooooooo I'm a muggle! I wish I was a witch then I could go to Diagon Alley and visit your joke shop and I would buy so many things from there especially a lot of your Puking Pastilles! Then I could cut class. But anyways, back to the brother problem. I need help because he's so annoying I want to punch his little face in but mum doesn't approve. So what should I do?

P.S. You guys are the hottest people on the planet! But I think George is a little cuter!


Dear Another Katie,

George: Another Katie. Ok, so here is what you do. You go to one of those muggle joke shops and get a gag to play on him.

Fred: Yea, that’s what you do. Go get one of those whoppi cushion things and stick it under his chair at dinner.

George: That should take care of him. Then maybe he will stop picking on you. If not, then he is a regular old Fred and George.

Fred: What do you mean regular Fred and George?

George: I mean he is just acting like us and maybe we should be supporting him instead.

Fred: Oh ok. I see what you mean now.


Fred and George,

Hi, I need help! I keep applying for a job on an HP fansite but no one ever responds! What should I do?

~ Your greatest fan

Dear Our Greatest Fan,

George: You should apply for a job here at The Snitch then. If they don’t respond at the other websites, then apply here.

Fred: Yea, there are many positions open here. And the staff is good about getting back to you and letting you know if you have a trial job or not.

George: Or you could just send rude and nasty owls to the site complaining.

Fred: Now don’t be mean George

George: Why, if they aren’t responding to one of our fans we should send them rude owls.

Fred: Remember what mum taught us, treat others as you would want to be treated.

George:So what. Are we living with mum anymore? No, so we shouldn’t have to listen to her rules.

Fred: Ok, fine, Greatest Fan, it is up to you what you want to do about this situation.


Fred and George,

I've got 2 problems. First: There's this girl at my school, no names ... *coughAdri-annaRedmancough* who is a real b-brat. She makes fun of me and calls me fat, even though my friends say I'm not. I've tried not eating for 3 days, that didn't work. I've tried to tell her to shut up, but that only makes her worse. One time really soon I'm gonna snap and break her neck... and I don't want to do that because that's illegal. Second: You know the girl I mentioned before? Well, she caused another problem. My friend is hanging around with her a lot more than me and my guy-friend. My guy-friend is getting mad at her because she acts preppy and like a b***h when she's around Adri, and only hangs around us when Adri's not around. I'm stuck in the middle of it, because she *my friend* is nice to me. And my guy-friend never gets along with her, and vice-versa. This is getting very annoying, and they used to be friends! How can I get them to get along? P.S. Sorry, George, Fred is cuter. And I'm a muggle, so no curses, hexes, etc.

~ Lex

Dear Lex,

Fred: HA! This girl thinks I am cuter.

George: So what, the majority of people think I am cuter and that is all that matters.

Fred:Yea whatever. So to help Lex out with her problems.

George: Lex you can’t let this girl get to you. If you react to what she says, she will only keep doing it.

Fred: Yes, you need to learn to block her out and just ignore her. As for your other problem, you need to confront your other friend and tell her that you don’t like the way she is acting.

George: And that if she doesn’t change then you are going to stop being friends with her.

Fred: That should help.


Dear George and Frederick,

We are....very good friends....maybe.....and well; we've gotten into a fight that we hope you can solve for us. My DEAR, CLOSE FRIEND THAT I CARE FOR SO MUCH, Loony Leavegod, thinks that Crumple-Horned Snorkacks exist in Siberia. But I, Hermy Groundhog, think that those "snorkacks" or whatever she likes to call them do not exist at all!

Our dear friend, Parry Hotter, is getting really bugged about this, and he says that he won't talk to us until we shut up! PLEASE HELP US!!!!

Your dear fans that have NEVER EVER met you, Hermy Groundhog and Loony Leavegod
P.S. Amazingly, we both agree that George is by FAR the hotter one!

~ Dear Hermy Groundhog,

Fred: First of all I’d like to tell you that my name is Fred, not Frederick, nor Froggy it is F-R-E-D (spells it) Fred.

George: Now that Frederick has told you……..

Fred: George!

George: OK OK. Now that Fred has told you his right name let me, the hotter twin, *Fred rolls his eyes* solve your problem. I am guessing that you friend is greatly influenced by The Quibbler? First of all stop her subscription and after you do that make her read some sensible books like "The History of Magical Creatures", "Lies of Their Existence", etc.

Fred: If that doesn’t work jinx her. That’s what we did when Lee, remember?

George: Or she could just modify her memory.

Fred: Yes that too.

Hope we helped ,
Fred and George Weasley


Dear Fred and George,

I have a problem. (Well, I guess that was kind of obvious since this is an advice Column) Anyways, for History of Magic we have to do a presentation about a play (I Chose "Alas, I've Transfigured My Feet") and I was wondering if you have any ideas of what I could do for it because I don't want to ACTUALLY transfigure my feet.

Any ideas would be helpful, except I don't think it would be good to hex Professor Binns, I might get less than an A++++!!!!

P.S. I am definitely NOT a certain girl you know who just might happen to be a genius.

~ H.G.

Dear H.G.

Fred: You certainly have chosen a great topic. But you don’t need to transfigure your feet to do the presentation well.

George: Fair point bro. All you need to do is that put an advertisement on you house notice board and pay people to be your guinea pigs.

Fred: That is what we did to get testers for our Skiving Snackboxes.

George: And about getting less than an A++++; you need to see the grade list again there is nothing such as an A++++.

Fred: And about being genius ‘A’ is the last pass grade and people with an ‘O’ are considered geniuses.

Hope we helped,
Fred and George Weasley


Dear Fred and George,

I need to ask some questions about Ron Hermione and Harry since u watched them grow up I just wanted to know if you say that Hermione likes Ron then why did she write to Mrs.Weasley saying she likes Harry but not your brother.

What would happen to Ginny’s and Hermione’s friendship or even Harry and runs friendship it's even written in their fate saying (book six ending ) why does it says that Ron likes Romilda vane and for Ginny it says there going to break up like seriously everyone is getting effected by this "love bug".

If Victor Krum came to Hogwarts again he would want Hermione back then there would be 3 and that other guy from 5 years Zacharias Smith. What if he's keen in her exactly 4 men or even in her fate that guy got to get back to you for the name he tried to get busy with her at that party now 5 men and also Neville long bottom (long bottom).

6 guys and there would be in this dilemma and Ron must be furious with bill cause he is married to Fleur Delacour (fleur means flower figuring out last name). Ron did like the say that Fleur walked veela's make me sick blah.

p.s is this the real Fred and George or just the author of these books.

~ Bria,

Dear Bria

George: This is the real Fred and George, and about ‘the author of these books’ we are real people and not mere names on pages of books.

Fred: And about Hermione writing to our mum your information is faulty, mum hasn’t received any owl from Hermione.

George: : On the subject of Hermione’s love life we just want to say this…..


George: Thought you might like to know; we think alike when it comes to Fleur.

Fred: As for those books, we do not read about ourselves.

Yours always,
George and Fred.


Hey guys,

I have a problem and a big one! There is a boy in our school and his name is Claudio I like him and about 3 other girls in my group of friends do too! He asked out 1 of my best buds and she told him to just be friends and she told him to go out with me instead! But he never called me or anything (!) And then I said we should just be friends but then another friend liked him so now he is going out with her! I still like him and our group is starting to fall apart! I think he likes me still because he gets jealous when I say I like another boy he hates! What to do??

Oh and I really want to be Lavender Brown in the next film! Help on that too cause I’m South African!


~ Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Fred: : I really think that you dim gals are wasting you time on this guy Ciaos….

George: Claudio.

Fred: Him too.

George: : What my extremely sensible brother (glairs at Fred) wants to say is that this boy just wants to toy all with 4 of you gals around. So...

Fred: Hit him with a good hex or jinx or curse or turn him into a spider.

George: …or you could try one of our WWW products and get rid of him.

Fred: Just make sure you do because he may one day become the reason for all you ‘buds’ to split up.

George: We DO NOT caste for any movie, but since you have written to us we will give you a suggestion,

Fred: Capture the real Lavender brown

George: Make a polyjuice potion and add some of her hair. Tadah…. now you are lavender brown.

Hope we helped,
Fred and George Weasley


I’m ginger and have freckles. No won takes me seriously and I fancy Neville Longbottem I am I Gryffindor and if you told him I likes him I would be very angry. Fred and George don’t mess up my room again!!! Or I’m telling mum and I also say Ron is annoying but a great brother also can I have a free skiving snackbox Love

~ Ginny

Dear Ginny,


George: Don’t worry, we won’t tell Neville, as we don’t want to ruin his life.

Fred: We have NOT messed up your room and mum knows that too.

George: : Just because Ron has promised you a chance of visiting Harry with him doesn’t mean he is the greatest.

Fred: Oh, and no you can't have a free Skiving Snackbox because if we gave you one then everyone else would want one and then we'd be making no money!

Your loving brothers,
Fred and George Weasley


Dear Fred and George,

It happened yesterday Ginny taught me how to do a bat bogey hex (sniggers) and I accidently performed one on Pansy Parkinson. But only because she's a prefect she's put me in detention for 5 weeks and she keeps telling everyone that I really fancy Crabbe and Goyle.
What do I do?

~ Gryffindor Being Tortured

Dear Gryffindor Being Tortured,

Fred: I knew someone that had the same problem, but it wasn’t exactly the same…

George: What you need to remember, is that no-one is going to believe a slytherin.

Fred: Yeah, so I wouldn’t worry, if you are though, fine a nice guy, and go out with him

George: But if you really do like Crabbe and Goyle , well no-one’s going to hate you for that

Fred: Ooh and, don’t put bat bogey hexes on slytherins…

We hope we helped you
Fred and George


Dear George and Fred,

(sorry fred i just like george better. don't take it personally) Anyways i have a problem and i hope that you can help me. There is this guy who i like but he's my best mate. i wanna tell him that i like him but i'm afraid that if i tell him then he won't talk to me again. seriously i don't know what to and my friend who's a girl doesn't help at all. she is trying to go out with him and it makes so mad. honestly i need your help badly.

Love ya always and right now confused,

~ Chrissy

Dear Chrissy,

George: Why, thank you Chrissy, most people think that I am the more attractive one…

Fred: yes George, most people might THINK that you are more attractive, but everyone KNOWS that I am.

George: Whatever, anyway, to help you with your problem, it depends on whether you would prefer to be his girlfriend, or just his friend.

Fred:yeah, talk to him, find out what types of girls he likes, if he likes any girls at the moment.

George: do what you would do with any normal, guy that you would want to go out with

Fred: But if you think it would ruin your friendship, then don’t say anything, look for some other guys.

From the two good looking twins,
Fred and George


Hey, so help me out I dont get the whole Dumbledore dying conspiracy.

~ Allisyn

Dear Allisyn

Fred: urmmm…

George: errr…

Fred: Well when we were in the hospital wing, Harry told us that Snape did it..

George: although Malfoy was ordered to by-

Fred: He-who-must-not-be-named or you-know-who

George: right… but he didn’t fight back because he was weak or something… Harry won’t tell anyone…

That’s all we know..
Fred and George


Dear Fred and George,

I don't really have a problem but I'd like to say I love you guys and I think you're the best (and reeeeally hot, both of you!!!!).

Reading this column really makes me happy and I'm glad you're bringing sexy back. lol. Say hi to Harry, Ron, Ginny and Hermione for me!!!!!!!


~ a Ravenclaw from Belgium

PS How's Bill? And is everything ok in the jokeshop? By the way, when are Ron and Hermione going to stop being blind and stupid and get together? They are so OBVIOUSLY in love, it's starting to get ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Ravenclaw from Belgium,

Fred: aww, thanks, that’s really sweet!

George: yeah, I’m glad we make you feel that way, you’ve made us happier now!

Fred: Bill is doing well, and is looking forward to his marriage with fleur.

George: and the jokeshop business is booming!

Fred: as to Ron and Hermione.. We completely agree with you

George: but we agreed not to get in the way, to let them do it themselves

Thank you
Fred and George


Hi Fred and Geogre,

The first thing is that why is Geogre so obsessed with that song? But anyway i hope you can help

Me and my brother are both looking forward to see the OOTP film and i was just wondering if you could spill the beans about anything in the new film or about the actor and actresses?

I hope you can help me!!!!

~ devon_murray_fan

Dear devon_murray_fan,

George: I’m not obsessed with the song… I just like it…

Fred: Whatever George….*sniggers*

George: What… Justin Timberlake is very good.

Fred: I’m sorry, but we can’t “spill the beans” on anything, it’s not fair. To other people.

George: But if you want to know, then go to the home page, and scroll down on the left till you get the movies, then click on the one you want.

Fred: You should find what you are looking for there.

Hope this helps
Fred and George


Dear F&G,

My friend is the most popular gal in the school because she is good at every sport (mostly football), every subject, shes cool and she doesnt realise how popular she is. She is the best at every THING!! plus she is good looking AND realy realy nice!! She is sooo lucky!! I want to be lyk her because I have a crush on a boy that likes her....can you help me become popular?


~ love kully

p.s. i love you guys (even though im not into harry potter stuff). ur both realy cute.. could uou please hex Percy for me?...oh..and...I'm a Muggle.

Dear Kully,

George: Well if this guy doesn’t like you when your not popular, then he’s not worth it.

Fred: But if you still want to, there are a few ways you could become more popular.

George: You could hang around your friend more, get her to introduce you to some people, then build friendships… Or you could just talk to more people and stuff like that.

Fred: As for hexing Percy, well we don’t want ti go anywhere near him so… no, but maybe 1 day..

George: And if you were a witch, then I would have suggested one of our love potions, we’re doing a B.O.G.O.F. sale which means Buy One Get One Free!!

Fred: And thanks for saying that we’re both cute, because we both look the same

Hope this helps
Fred and George


Dear George and Fred,

Well first of I think that George is the cuter one of course but I like Ron the best! Anyways,, I just moved to Pennsylvania (U.S) and I hate it up here and I really want to move back to Georgia (U.S). Do have any advice of how to convince my mom and dad to move back there?

~ Ron Lover <3

Dear Ron Lover,

Fred: Isn’t Pennsylvania like the capital for ghosts and ghouls?

George: You know what Fred; I think you’re right! It’s the top holiday destination for witches and wizards wanting an adventure holiday.

Fred: Which leads me to the point that this person must be a Muggle because any witch or wizard in their right mind would love to live in the ghoul capital!

George: Unless they’re like Hermione and are against ghost hunting. Haaaaang on! I reckon this IS Hermione. Think about it; she finds me cuter than you, loves Ron, doesn’t want to live in ghost hunting land. . .has to be her!

Fred: Apart from the fact she doesn’t live in the US. . .

George: Oh yeah. . .well, maybe she moved and didn’t tell anyone?

Fred: No George, Hermione didn’t move. *rolls eyes* Ron Lover, firstly, I suggest you stop loving Ron. Secondly I say embrace the fact you live in the ghost hunting capital of the world. . .you could make a fortune!

George: How do you know she didn’t move?

Hermione: Hi guys. What you doing?

Fred: That’s how!

George: Always have to be right don’t you Fred!

Fred: Yes, I do. And I’m right about the money making thing. You know what? I think we should take a visit to Pennsylvania and show this Ron Lover a thing or two about how to take advantage of. . .I mean. . .how to enhance adventure holidays there.

See you soon,
Ghostly George and Ghoul Fred.


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