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Frozen Inside


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#1
Casey711

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Guess who's back with a new fic :) .

I thought that I'd try to write a bit of a flashback fic. You'll be in the dark about Charis' history and why she, Draco, and Severus are where they are.

Disclaimer: Nothing that you recognize from the HP books belongs to me. The only things I own are Charis and all other original characters. The plot is mine, the inspiration is Betz's.

EDIT: Haha, I can't believe I forgot to mention this. This fic is AU. Don't be surprised if you see people wandering around that are supposed to be dead. It's set about 4 or 5 years after the fall of Lord Voldemort (yes, he does play a major part in the characters' lives of this fic).

Chapter One

God it’s so cold. My thread-bare robes do nothing to protect me. It doesn’t help that I have almost no meat on my bones. But hey, what do you expect? I haven’t had a real meal in weeks, maybe even months.

I’m sitting on the steps of the apartment building. A bag of potato chips rests on my lap. I don’t want to eat any yet. I don’t know when I’ll be able to eat again. So I’ll save these until I can’t stand the pain in my stomach. I hear a door open and glance down

Draco steps outside and peers up at me. “You alright, Ackart? You’ve been sitting up there for ages. Why don’t you go inside?”

“I can’t, Draco. I lost my key.”

He sighs and glares at me. “Again? Honestly, Charis, if you lose the darn thing again Randolf will kick you out.”

I look back down at the bag of potato chips and mutter, “Maybe that would be too bad.”

He opens his mouth, hesitates, and then shakes his head. “You’re lucky I have a spare key. Hold on a tic, I’ll get it for you.”

I pull myself up. The bag of chips falls off my lap and falls off the stairs before I can catch it. I sigh and walk up to my door. Draco arrives a moment later and hands me the key. He kisses my cheek before he walks back downstairs.

I open my door and walk inside. The lack of furniture (and anything else) depresses me even more. Stupid law…The Minister of Magic should die. Painfully and slowly…That !@#$.

Moody could die as well. He and his stupid paranoia put three completely innocent people into utter poverty. The things I have to do for money make me absolutely sick. It’s even worse to think of Severus and Draco doing what I do.

My teeth chatter as I stumble into the kitchen. There has to be something in here. A piece of bread, some cheese, a Popsicle…Anything would do right now.

Of course there’s nothing here. There never is. Well, there was at one point. That was until Moody came in on a random raid and took all of my money. He said that it was ‘suspicious that death eater scum was saving money’. Hello? Its called winter. I was saving up to buy winter clothes. He didn’t believe me, so now I’m stuck in these ratty old things. Old bat even ran off my Thursday client. He was one of my best paying ones...

Five knocks sound on my door. I close the cabinet I was searching through to open the door. To my pleasant surprise Severus is standing there with a bag in his hands.

He snorts at my appearance. “Stupid girl, has anyone ever taught you that when it is snowing you should wear a coat? Go make a fire while I make dinner.”

I glare. “A fire with what, my hair? Sev, you know that I don’t have anything to burn. Moody would do, but I doubt he’d be very willing.”

He rolls his eyes and pushes past me. I copy the gesture and slam the door shut. Though the two of us have been living in the same place for three years, we’ve never had a particularly easy relationship. He harasses me at every opportunity and I torment him as much as possible. I know he cares for me, though. Every time I’m sick or hungry he’s always there to take care of me.

He’ll never admit it.

I walk back into the kitchen. He’s making me soup. I smile gently at him. “Thank you, Severus.”

He nods curtly but warmth flickers in his eyes. “Miss Ackart, if I come up here and find you without food again I’ll have to take drastic measures.”

I feel an eyebrow rise. I swear those things have lives of their own. “Oh?”

“Yes.”

“Are you going to tell me what those drastic measures are?”

“No.”

“I didn’t think so.”

“Good.”

”Are you incapable of saying more than one word?”

“No.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Excellent.”

“It is.”

“Ah ha! Two words! Tomorrow we’ll work on shapes and colors!”

His biting remark is put on hold as he takes the soup off of the oven. He fills two bowls and places them on the table. I don’t move.

“Is there something wrong, Charis?”

“You’re being oddly nice. What do you want? I told you last week I’m not sleeping with you. Don’t think that cooking for me will change that.”

He gives me a nasty look. “Sit down.”

“Yes sir.”

That motley drama- oh, be sure
It shall not be forgot!
With its Phantom chased for evermore,
By a crowd that seize it not,
Through a circle that ever returneth in
To the self-same spot,
And much of Madness, and more of Sin,
And Horror the soul of the plot.


Frozen Inside


#2
Sarah

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I glare. "A fire with what, my hair? Sev, you know that I don't have anything to burn. Moody would do, but I doubt he'd be very willing."

Favourite part. LOL

Oh my gosh. :P I can't tell you how much I like this story. To like it this early in the story is very unusual for me. It usually takes a couple of chapters to like it this much. I'm probably going to repeat myself but...the mystery and the darkness of this fic is just awesome. It really captured my attention. And the humour in it is just great.

And Severus...:)

Update soon! :D


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#3
*Liliana*

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Spiffilacious beginning, Casey m'dear. :) Love this fic already.

I especially like how you interweave drama with comedy. It's hard to do, but you make it flow very well.

Of course there's nothing here. There never is. Well, there was at one point. That was until Moody came in on a random raid and took all of my money. He said that it was suspicious that death eater scum was saving money'. Hello? Its called winter. I was saving up to buy winter clothes. He didn't believe me, so now I'm stuck in these ratty old things. Old bat even ran off my Thursday client. He paid well too.


That was my favorite part. LMAO, gotta love Moody.

The flashback form is intriguing. I really like what you're doing with it...keeps me on the edge of my seat. :D

Great work! Can't wait to see what you have for us next.

#4
LaLaLuna

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Well, Miss Casey you have me intrigued as to who your Charis is. She has taken up with two polar opposite andI don't think she's realized it (if has, she doesn't care). Draco, with his arrogance, "what's in it for me" attitude. Then Severus, with his "don't tell people I've been a softy to you" attitude that makes Snape SO gosh darn redeemable. This entire story intrigues me.
I take it this is post-Voldemort, which makes me egar to read more.

PPMS

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Luna's Loss ~ A Summer's Day ~ Who Would Have Thought ~ Wilted Flower ~ Spring in the Air


#5
Baron Von Krogg

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From Baron Von Krogg

My goodness,An Au fic. How nice. But lets see just what could happen in this universe. I
have my own ideas as to what could go on , But this opening part with Severus could be
quite enjoyable. Lets see what happens and then everyone can rest easily,So please
continue with this very enjoyable fic.



;) :) :ermm: :) :D

#6
mich

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that was really good how you described the girls coldness and haterred for those who are making her cold is abosloutely great
anyway like i said i came here to read and i read but you didnt post more
its funny the talk between severus and the gilr its quite amusing write more soon
it started out as friendship
and turned to something more
the love i feel for you
ive never fely before
you make me feel so happy
whenever i am down
by telling me your stupid jokes
and always trying to clown around
i cant believe you tell me
all the things you do
but im glad you can trust me
and i can trus you too
you are my specail friend
and i want you to know
whatever may happen
ill never let you go

#7
x-Rebecca-x

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Hey Casey. You are such an awesome writer and the fics I read are just getting better and better. This is a very good start to the story. I really like how you write the characters. Please post soon and dont leave us waiting too long :lol:

Rebecca
x

Edited by x-rebecca-lovin-harry-x, 09 February 2006 - 05:51 PM.

Catch [Me] Before I [Fall]



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#8
Casey711

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*beams* I never thought I'd get this many replies so quickly. Thank you guys so much :D

I can't do your replies any justice, so I'd just like to thank Srah, Lils, Hanna, Baron, Mich, and Rebecca for the fab responses :) *gives everyone roasted chicken*


Chapter Two

Its two in the morning and I havent slept. Im used to not sleeping but this is just getting ridiculous. Every time I actually do fall asleep, a dream about Rigel wakes me up.

I hug my bony legs to my chest and rest my forehead on my knees. Before last week, thinking of Rigel would always bring a spark of hope back into my life. I regret getting the Daily Prophet that day. Seeing him with a brown-haired woman on his arm cut me more deeply than I ever thought something like that could. I hate that it bothers me! He probably thinks Im dead. Why should he sit around and wait for an owl that will most likely never come?

He shouldnt, so I should just stop thinking about him.

Just stop.

God, I cant even cry anymore. My emotions seem to be working against me. Theyre never there when I need them and theyre always there when they shouldnt be. darn feelings.

Has he forgotten about me? It wouldnt surprise me. Before we started dating it always seemed as though he went through at least one girl a week. Ginny and I confronted him once about it. He simply shrugged and said that he was waiting for the right one. Ginny remarked later that had looked at me when he said that.

Was it true?

Did he think I was the one?

I wouldnt be all that surprised. He did propose to me.

I take my face away from my knees and stand up. Sulking wont really get me very far. All it will do is depress me even further.

If thats possible.

Perhaps a shower will help. I walk into the bathroom, turn on the water, strip, and step in. I close my eyes and allow myself to become completely engulfed by the steam and hot water. It feels good. Slightly painful, but thats what I need right now.

Once the heat becomes too much, I quickly shampoo, condition, and jump out of the shower. I begin to reach for a towel but pause. It sounds odd, but I havent seen what I actually looked like for quite some time. Though the mirror is charmed not to fog, I normally avert my eyes. I havent wanted to see what I looked like until now.

I inhale sharply as I see myself. Ive never been pretty, but now I just lookhaunted. My face is pale and gaunt. I take a step closer and look at my eyes. Once upon a time they were a sparkling blue. Now they look dull. I can clearly see my ribs. This is not good. I need to eat.

A vicious scar makes its way from my left hip to my right shoulder. Smaller scars mar the skin on my sides, thighs, chest and stomach. I can still remember who gave me which scar and how.

~~

My mood is as dark as it was last night. I pull my cloak tightly around my body as I walk down the freezing street of Diagon Alley. People shoot me dark looks as I pass. Screw them. I dont need friends.

Mental note: Quit lying to yourself.

Draco and Severus didnt come with me today. Its the first time in a while that Ive left without them. We truly are an odd trio.

Severus and I never really hated each other. I annoyed him into liking me. Every Christmas I would give him a present. By my third year I had convinced Albus into telling me Severus birthday.

He didnt return the favor until I was out of school. We were all at an Order meeting. I remember him pulling me aside and silently giving me a box. He had given me a beautiful locket that contained pictures of my parents.

My parents. I miss them so much. They wouldnt be dead if it werent for me.

No, dont think about that.

I finally reach the second-hand robe shop and slip inside. The woman behind the counter eyes me coolly.

Do you want something?

I lick my lips nervously. I need some new robes. Whereare your cheapest ones?

She narrows her eyes. We dont sell to death eater scum like you. Get out.

But Madame, I have the money.

No. I dont care if you freeze. Get out of my shop before I call in the Aurors.

I obey and sob brokenly as I walk home. I dont deserve this. I didnt want the mark. I didnt want the pain that went with it. Its not fair. I tried to protect this blasted world and what do I get? Stepped on. I wish everything could go back to the way it was.

Edited by Casey711, 10 April 2009 - 12:01 AM.

That motley drama- oh, be sure
It shall not be forgot!
With its Phantom chased for evermore,
By a crowd that seize it not,
Through a circle that ever returneth in
To the self-same spot,
And much of Madness, and more of Sin,
And Horror the soul of the plot.


Frozen Inside


#9
Sarah

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Awww, my heart breaks for her. It isn't very fair that she has to go through that. She seems like a good person.

Who is Rigel? *sniff* That seems like a sad story there. I hope we find out a bit more about that. LOL

Gosh, I really hope things brighten up! LOL! Excellent update. I really hope you update soon!

*pesters*


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#10
mich

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wow that was awful how people discriminate her but what did she mean she didnt want the mark? or how she saved them and they stomped on her ? so she was good or what really liked it casey write more soon
it started out as friendship
and turned to something more
the love i feel for you
ive never fely before
you make me feel so happy
whenever i am down
by telling me your stupid jokes
and always trying to clown around
i cant believe you tell me
all the things you do
but im glad you can trust me
and i can trus you too
you are my specail friend
and i want you to know
whatever may happen
ill never let you go

#11
ssgirl

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Hi, Casey! This is interesting and intriguing. I love a good mystery and there are certainly a lot of unanswered questions here. I can't help feeling sorry and sad for Charis even though I don't know what brought her to this shabby state. But there must be hope if Severus is serving up soup and birthday gifts. !!! Looking forward to more.

-Gayla

#12
elven_girl

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It's so sad and Snape is being such a little darling...

You are really good at writing in this style though- its a perfect mix of everything. Really excellent. I love it.

Why wouldn't the stupid shopkeeper sell Charis robes though, don't they pity Death-eaters at all?
''Death...comes for us all, my lords. Yes, even for Kings he comes, to whom amidst all their Royalty and brute strength he will neither kneel nor make then any reverence nor pleasantly desire them to come forth, but roughly grasp them by the very breast and rattle them until they be stark dead! So causing their bodies to be buried in a pit and sending them to a judgement...whereof at their death their success is uncertain.''

''But what matters to me is not whether it's true or not but that I believe it to be true, or rather not that I believe it, but that I believe it...'''

#13
Anya128

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This is really good Casey, really, really good.

Charis is so... human, I can picture her exactly, how she 'sobs brokenly', and her thoughts. They aren't exagerrated at all, they are so real. I think in short sentances too! Sometimes I even think in 3rd person!

Keep writing Casey, because, like I said, this is really, really good.

-Anne

#14
Jadealinda

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This is very good Casey! I like the hints Charis gives without telling us everything at once as it gives me a chance to speculate on what she could mean. You have a fine mix of humor and tragedy going on so far as well. And I agree that you are very good at writing in the first person perspective - very effective.

Good Job!

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#15
*Liliana*

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Absolutely ingeneous ficlet here, Casey. I admire your writing - you've grown so much in the past few years. I really like how you interweave the relationships of the characters so insightfully, i.e., Charis and Snape:

Severus and I never really hated each other. I annoyed him into liking me. Every Christmas I would give him a present. By my third year I had convinced Albus into telling me Severus' birthday.


Funny, yet sweet, too.

I love the mystery. Fascinating. I hope you update as soon as you can. ^__^

#16
Casey711

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Sarah- I'm so glad that you liked it! Sorry it took so long for the update. It really isn't fair that she has to go through what she's going through (and has been through ^_^ ). I'm mean to my characters. You'll find out who Rigel is in the next update. Things are kind of going to brighten up. You get a pineapple since you had the first response! *gives pineapple*

Mich- You'll find out about the mark situation in this chapter. Yes, she was definitely good. Just hurt. You'll find out the rest soon enough ^_^

Gayla- Unanswered questions are so much fun <3 I'd never realized how much fun it is to write a really cryptic story until this one. Charis has had it pretty rough. Glad you're enjoying the story!

Elven_Girl- Snape can be a darling when he wants to ^.^ He just doesn't want to very often, haha. Thank you so much for the compliment about my writing! I really appreciate it :) . And no, not many people pity Death-eaters.

Anne- Thank you! I couldn't help beaming when I read your response. I'm glad Charis comes across as human. I tried to base her personality (not the uber depressed side, though) on me. I find that its easier to write characters that you can relate to in someway. Haha, I think in third person a lot *whistles innocently*

Jade- Thanks :D Humor and tragedy are really fun to write together. I have a very dark sense of humor (if you can't tell, lol). Its fun to incorporate that into my writing. Glad you're enjoying it ^.^

Lils- Thanks ^.^ I've been trying to work on how my characters interact with one another. I've aways found it so difficult to have three or more people hold a conversation together. Character relationships are tricky, haha.


This chapter is PG-13. It deals with some very dark parts of Charis' life. There's nothing too detailed, but it still has a dark feel about it. The chapter was inspired by the Three Days Grace song, Animal I have Become. Lyrics can be found here. I don't own the song or the band.

Enjoy ^_^

~*~

Chapter Three-Animal I Have Become
It’s pouring outside. The sound of the heavy rain is overpowered by a crack of thunder every now and again. I hate the rain. It makes me think of when my life went to hell.

God help me, I have to relive it every time something triggers a memory.

I can still remember the cold stone I was forced to sleep on for two months. I can still remember the cold steel chains that bit into my wrists. Above all, I remember the pain.

The first day was one of the worst. I was left alone in the dungeons for a few hours. Then he came. I’ll never forget the terror that gripped me when his eyes bore into mine, nor will I forget the sinister look on his face as he approached me. Malfoy tortured me for hours. By the time he was finished I was little more than a sobbing, bleeding mass of flesh.

After that I was basically used as a guinea pig for new recruits. Malfoy and that insane !@#$ Lestrange instructed them on the most efficient ways to torture someone. Oh trust me, they were definitely efficient.

By the end of the first month I was silent. By the end of the second I was broken. Exactly how they wanted me.

The Dark Lord had just invented a new spell. This spell works very much like the Imperius curse. The main difference is that there is no possible way to fight it. I tried.

His curse (come to think of it, I never found out its name. Oh well) works especially well on people who are in a weakened state of mind and health. Two strikes for Charis.

Under the curse I did things that disgust me to even think about. I was forced to torture and kill exactly 23 people. I was also forced to take the mark. I suppose the Dark Lord thought it would be funny to let me go. He guessed that most people wouldn’t believe a Death Eater. Not after what happened after the First War.

He was right.

Very few people believed that I, only 18 at the time, had not done the horrific deeds willingly. I was forced to go into hiding. Had the Ministry found me, it would have been Azkaban for life.

A knock at the door shakes me from my reverie. I sigh, run a hand through my hair, and drag my sorry self to the door. I open it and feel my heart skip a beat. The man that I’m facing looks as stunned as I feel. He recovers first.

“Charis?”

“Yes, it’s me.” My reply surprises me. My voice is breathless. I suppose the reason is that I’d long given up hope that someone would find me.

The man clears his throat. “May I come in? I think…I think we need to talk.”

I nod and step back. He enters my flat and looks around wearily. I push the door closed and take a hesitant step forward.

“Sirius? Is it really you?”

He nods slowly and studies me for a long time. A faint blush has appeared on his cheeks. I fight the urge to giggle. I’ve always thought Sirius was absolutely adorable when he blushes.

When he does respond, what he says startles me. “Charis, don’t think I haven’t been looking for you. The day they arrested you and everyone else bearing the mark was torture. The Order fought for you, Malfoy and Snivellus.”

I feel my eyes narrow on their own accord. “Well why didn’t you find me sooner?”

He blinks. “Charis, we didn’t know where to lo-“

“Like hell you didn’t! Where did you think they would make us live? An effing five star hotel?”

Sirius bristles and takes a step back. “Look, they sent others to work in different places. A few hold ministry positions.”

“Ministry positions? They let Death Eaters work at the darn ministry? This is just a wild guess, but did they let people like Lucius Malfoy and Augustus Rockwood work there?”

His silence answers my question. I growl and continue my rant. “Oh isn’t that safe? Put them where they can do actual damage. I should be at the ministry. Not doing…this.”

To my utter surprise, he steps forward and takes me in his arms. “Poppet, listen to me. We’ve looked. I’ve been to this building about four or five times. I asked around, but everyone refused to tell me where you were. So I finally had to…request to see you.”

I shove him away. “I don’t care. I just don’t care anymore. If you have a solution, then by all means tell it to me. I don’t want to be coddled.”

He bites his lip. “Well, I haven’t exactly gotten as far as a solution yet.”

Good lord. “Gee, that’s helpful. You can leave now.”

He touches my shoulder. “You don’t mean that.”

My knees give out. Next thing I know I’m on the floor sobbing as he gently rocks me.

“Sirius,” I whisper. “I want to go home. Please take me home.”

He takes my chin gently and makes me look at him. “Go get Snivellus and Malfoy Jr. Tell them we port key out in an hour.”

That motley drama- oh, be sure
It shall not be forgot!
With its Phantom chased for evermore,
By a crowd that seize it not,
Through a circle that ever returneth in
To the self-same spot,
And much of Madness, and more of Sin,
And Horror the soul of the plot.


Frozen Inside


#17
Sarah

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Awww =( That last part where she basically fell apart and wanted to go home broke my heart! I hope things do get better for her, because she just seems to need things to get better. I hope you update soon because I want to see what happpppppens. =P

Haha, listening to that song while reading the chapter was great.

ETA: I would like another pineapple for another first response. Thank you. *bows out* LOL


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#18
unseen

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Beacause wasent cool untill now,

Great story, cant wait to read the rest of it, so hurry up! or ill Glomp you- again!

EDIT- or ill do it in real life!

#19
*Liliana*

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EXCELLENTLY written. You do have a talent for writing anguish and despair to tear your reader up, Casey m'dear. ^__^ I'm so happy with how your writing style has improven for the three years I've known you!

I really liked this chapter. The flow of it was very smooth, and Charis (I love her name) inner dialogue was short and abrupt, just like her capture. It's horrible what happened to her. But now Sirius is here, so I hope that things will look up!

Very well done. So glad you're continuing with this. Update when you can!

#20
Casey711

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Sarah-*gives 11 pineapples* :lol: She really does need for things to get better. I'm not very nice to my orignal characters XD They always end up emotionally damaged. Oooh well :lol: The song I picked for this chapter doesn't fit quite as well but...it works if you squint and look at it sideways :P

Joey-Thanks for responding :D

Lilsy-*beams* Thanks! I like her name too. Its pretty, haha. Baby name websites=love. Soooo helpful. *snickers* My kids are probably going to end up with these really random, meaningful names. Oh well, their problem, not mine *whistles innocently* Anyway, I'm glad that the flow was smooth. It can be really challenging writing like this. Though it helps that Charis is a good (but lazy) muse.

*squishes you guys* You rock my socks.

Song in title belongs to The Beatles. Lyrics can be found here. Like I said to Sarah, they sort of fit, haha.

Enjoy :)

---

Chapter Four-Day Tripper

My hands are wrapped around a cup of steaming hot tea. I’m in a cozy little bedroom on the second floor of the Black household. Jacqueline left a few minutes ago. Everything happened so fast after Sirius arrived. Severus and Draco were stunned when the found out we were leaving.

Leaving. We’re free now. Well, free enough. I know I’ll never be completely free. My right hand leaves the cup and rubs my left forearm absently. I still can’t believe He marked me. Such a sick joke.

Was it a joke? I don’t think I’ll ever know. Someone’s knocking on my door. I sigh.

“Come in.”

My face lights up when I see James. “Charis, hi. How are you doing?” He enters the room and sits down next to me. He squeezes my knee gently and surveys my face. “You look like sh.it.”

I blink. “Thanks, James. I appreciate that.”

A crooked smile crosses his handsome face. “Well, love, it would be too out of character to be anything but honest.”

I lean over to the bedside table and set the cup of tea down. I then shift so I’m facing James. “I’ve missed you. It’s been so…lonely, you know?”

His smile turns bitter. “No, I don’t. I’m so sorry about everything you had to go through. You never deserved any of that.”

I get up and walk to the window. “I don’t want your sympathy.”

“I know.”

Silence. I can’t stand silence. It makes me anxious. I turn to face him again. “Why didn’t Rigel wait?”

He runs a hand through his hair. “Char, it was so long. Most of the Order thought you were dead.”

“Did you?”

Silence. I sigh and answer for him. “I suppose you did. Look, James, I’m tired. I think I’m going to go to bed.”

“Of course, babe.” He stands up and walks over to me. “Even if I did doubt that you were alive, that didn’t mean I stopped caring.” He kisses my forehead before walking out.

I collapse onto the bed and cry myself to sleep.

~*~

I’ve been with the Blacks for two weeks. Each day I’ve become progressively more restless. It’s funny, going from being miserable to restless. I’m not sure which one I prefer.
Jacqueline and Sirius try to keep me busy. They make dinner and invite a bunch of people over every night. So far I’ve seen James, Dumbledore, most of the Weasleys, Remus, and Tonks. Oh right, she and Remus got married. So I guess she’s Nymphadora Lupin now. How weird.

I haven’t seen Rigel yet. Sirius was honest and told me that Rigel wasn’t ready to see me. Pfft, he’s just a coward. I’m surprised he was sorted into Gryffindor.

Sirius knocks on the frame of my open door. “I’m going to run into town. Can I get you anything?”

“My life?”

He sticks his tongue out at me. “Realistically?”

“Hmm…I’m not sure. Some chocolate chip cookies?”

He grins. “Now that’s what I’m talking about! I’ll be back in an hour or so. Jack’s downstairs if you need her.”

“Thanks, Sirius.”

He waves and disappears. I rub the back of my neck. I feel a little guilty. They’ve sacrificed so much for me recently. They’ve opened their homes and their lives for me. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to repay them.

I pull out the previous day’s Daily Prophet. They finally got around to reporting our ‘disappearances’ yesterday. The public’s reaction has been pretty amusing. Well, morbidly amusing. A lot of people are all worked up. They’re afraid we’re going to become Dark Lords or something.

Morons.

Severus and Draco didn’t stick around long after we were ‘freed’. I’m not surprised. Severus+Sirius=Disaster waiting to happen.

It was refreshing to hear them fight. I sort of missed it.

Everyone’s been overly happy. I guess they’re afraid I’ll go over the deep end.

Too bad I can’t. I’m not allowed to have sharp objects, pills, potions, etc. according to Dumbledore.

Whatever, it doesn’t matter. I’m sure if I died God (or whatever the hell is out there) would make me just as miserable as I am now.

Because I must have been a real !@#$ in my past life.

I lay back on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I don’t understand how things got so bad so fast. I was a happy, privileged child. I had great parents, a great life, great friends…What did I do wrong?

For the love of God, Charis, stop being so negative.

Stop talking to yourself while you’re at it.

I groan and pull a pillow over my face.

“You know, if you want to suffocate yourself there are easier ways.”

I toss the pillow aside and sit up. “Rigel?”

“Indeed. Hello, Charis. Long time no see.”

That motley drama- oh, be sure
It shall not be forgot!
With its Phantom chased for evermore,
By a crowd that seize it not,
Through a circle that ever returneth in
To the self-same spot,
And much of Madness, and more of Sin,
And Horror the soul of the plot.


Frozen Inside


#21
LaLaLuna

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*peeks in* Sorry, I neglected to post replies to your last chapters, Casey (no excuses).

This story drips with angst and sorrow, but wonderfully told in first person.

Rigel has returned. This should be a heartbreaking conversation, but I do hope Charis will understand that life had to go on, despite the life-altering events.
Gald James is still alive here. If we see more of him, your take on him will be interesting.

Great update dearie :lol:

IKWT!

Beginnings:The Great Purification~by Liliana Muddied Black Blood~by Nicola
My Fics
Riddle and Secrets ~ Coming Full Circle ~ Living Memories ~ The Sorting of Priorities
Luna's Loss ~ A Summer's Day ~ Who Would Have Thought ~ Wilted Flower ~ Spring in the Air


#22
Casey711

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Hello there! Just want to let you all know that I will be revamping this story. I need to edit it so the format isn't...odd. I may change certain parts, but I have the fanfiction buzz again and this is my favorite story so...if anyone is still interested, more will be coming B)

That motley drama- oh, be sure
It shall not be forgot!
With its Phantom chased for evermore,
By a crowd that seize it not,
Through a circle that ever returneth in
To the self-same spot,
And much of Madness, and more of Sin,
And Horror the soul of the plot.


Frozen Inside


#23
tazzy

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I am glad to hear that you decided to continue this story. it was getting good, and of course i am really interested in knowing what will happen next. : )
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#24
Casey711

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Thanks, tazzy :) Nice to see you again!

~*~

Chapter Five

My throat tightens as I look at the man Ive loved since I was sixteen. Hes changed. His stance is no longer as carefree as it once was. His eyes used to be so expressive and bright. There was always a twinkle. Now, I cant see it. Maybe thats because hes glaring at me.

Its been a good two minutes since he last spoke. I dont know what to say to him. I know that I dont want him to speak. Im afraid. I have a horrible feeling that his words will hurt. The look says it all. He doesnt want me around.

He leans against the frame of the door and surveys me coolly. You look awful, Chari.

You know, James said basically the same thing. Isnt that funny?

His lip twitches slightly. Well it is true.

I shift nervously during a long, awkward silence. Finally I say, What do you want, Rigel? I doubt you came in here just to catch up.

Youre right. He runs a hand through his hair. Im sure you know that Im engaged.

Of course, I wanted to stab myself in the eye when I read it. Oh? To whom?

Her names Lisa. She was in the year below us.

I force a smile. Thats great, Rigel.

His lips twist into the first true smile hes given since he arrived. Thanks. Shes fantastic.

I look down at my clasped hands. Theres another long silence.

Rigel leans forward and rests his forearms on his thighs. Look, maybe you and I being separated for so long was for the best. I meanyou didnt actually think itd really work out, did you?

Umyes?

Well you shouldnt have. Fifty percent of marriages dont actually work out. Besides, we were both so youngI dont think we really knew what we were doing. He rises to his feet. I feel better after getting that off my chest. Anything else you want to discuss?

Yes. I love you. Ive always loved you. Please dont leave me. NopeIm fine. You can leave now. I curl up on my bed and turn away from him. He doesnt even hesitate before walking out.

I simply stare at the wall for a while. If only I could be as simple as it is. I bet that walls dont get hurt. They dont get sad.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know Jacqueline is gently shaking me. "Charis, wouldn't you like to have some breakfast? Its nearly 10."

I nod and roll out of bed. As I stand, my head spins and I start to lose my balance. She grabs my arm to steady me but doesn't comment. I silently thank her.

I like to tell myself I'm not weak. Makes me feel better. Too bad its not true.

She sets a plate of bacon and eggs in front of me after I sit down. "Thanks, Jack." I tell her, smiling, before stuffing my face with her amazing breakfast.

She takes a seat across from me and just looks at me. I suddenly realize that this is the first time I've been alone with her since I got back. Her piercing blue eyes make me somewhat nervous. I stare resolutely at my plate while I eat. Don't feel like dealing with creepy people over eggs.

The breakfast is a silent one. I guess she's already eaten since she just kind of looks at me the whole time. I put my fork on my clean plate and finally meet her eyes.

"I really appreciate how well you and Sirius have taken care of me, but I would really like to find someplace else to stay. I mean...I don't want to be a burden. I know you have a wedding to help plan and then I'm guessing you'll need to start thinking of the new little Blacks that will surely be running around soon and you won't want any more distrac-"

"Charis! Char, you should know that you're always welcome here." She reaches across to touch my hand but I recoil and stand abruptly.

"Yeah, I know. I just feel like a parasite or something. I'm just such a...I don't even know, such a grump these days. I'd rather not rain on everyone's parade."

She sighs and levitates my plate into the sink. I make a move to start washing it, but she waves me off. "Why don't you go upstairs and read? We can discuss this later. Maybe Rigel can help you pick a place if you really mean it."

My jaw clenches of its own accord. "Really, its fine." I say, trying to figure out if I'm going to cry or punch a wall. "I'll just do it myself. I'm really good at that."

I race upstairs and slam the door behind me. I throw myself on the bed and groan. I really do hate my life sometimes. Its complicated and quite annoying. I need to figure out what to do about my sleeping arrangements. Staying with the Blacks is out of the question. Maybe I can sweet talk Severus or Draco into letting me stay with them. My head is starting to pound, I guess I'll just have to figure it out later.

That motley drama- oh, be sure
It shall not be forgot!
With its Phantom chased for evermore,
By a crowd that seize it not,
Through a circle that ever returneth in
To the self-same spot,
And much of Madness, and more of Sin,
And Horror the soul of the plot.


Frozen Inside


#25
Elidh the Ninja

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Hey Casey. You probably don't remember me but I used to be on Finite Incantatem. Just wanted to say I came here to find this fanfic cos I remembered how awesome it was ^__^
Tis very awesome. xD
Nl aon tintan mar do thintan fin, and to be honest that's pretty lucky isn't it =]

#26
briseis09

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Is very good. Though, I'm curious; was it Draco Malfoy who tortured her? I'm just a bit confused, because they were okay at The Beginning and then, The Flashback said 'Malfoy' tortured her.

You have a great way of reaching places in the human psyche, not many can reach. Excellent writing; hoping you continue to write this.

Thank you for sharing! :)



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