Jump to content

Welcome to .: The Snitch Harry Potter Community
Register now to gain access to all of our features. Once registered and logged in, you will be able to create topics, post replies to existing threads, give reputation to your fellow members, get your own private messenger, post status updates, manage your profile and so much more. If you already have an account, login here - otherwise create an account for free today!

The Continuing Adventures of Dark Lord Can

  • Please log in to reply
36 replies to this topic

Colin Xavier

Colin Xavier

    Star Trek Fan

  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,323 posts
  • Location:StarFleet Headquarters
Quartet Productions Presents

The Continuing Adventures of Dark Lord Can

By Can, Colin Xavier, Harrysbabe and Jess.

Authors notes:

Can: I welcome you all to the next installment of Quartet Productions. All the situations and characters are purely fictional and have a little to no resemblance to any real-life being. We do not intend to hurt anybody's feelings. This is all done in innocent fun, and celebrating the wonder that is the Snitch! We hope you enjoy our sequel to "Quest of Jess".

Colin Xavier: Well, now that Can has got the legal stuff out of the way. I'd like to thank all those readers who took time out of their lives to read this crazy little thing called "Quest of Jess". Thank you all for being such wonderful readers. And we hope you enjoy the new-direction taking, Dark Lord Can.

P.S. Jess and I do not appear in this story.

Jess: What? The Quest of Jess sequel and no Queen Jess in it? How will the story survive without me? No seriously! Enjoy and we'd love to hear from you!

Harrysbabe: Thanks so much to everyone who read"Quest of Jess",it was great fun for me to be part of it and write one of the chapters. I was pleased when some of you actually reviewed my chapter too. It was my first attempt at fanfic writing and your comments where really appreciated..... thanks!.Hope you all enjoy reading this sequel!

Chapter one: Strangest day yet.

Written by: Colin Xavier, Can, Jess and Harrysbabe.

Prologue: The Snitch Order has been destroyed by Dark Lord Can and her apprentice Angel who have created a new Snitch Empire to take control of the Snitch. Kayleena has disappeared as Gary, Demeter Tess Reading and Ash went into exile. Now Dark Lord Can is in charge of the mods and the users. What will she do next?

The Snitch throne room:

Can: *Walking around the Snitch throne room*

Angel: *Walks in*

Can: Progress report!

Angel: The Slytherin minions have returned to Hogwarts, they apparently need to do their homework. The MIB dum-dums have received a phone-call from a certain "Forge Wheelsly" who said "Neah, na, nah na na" The MIB took off at once (Authors note: You guys have got to read Angel's "The Day I Killed Harry Potter" comedy fanfic!)

Can: Fine. What else?

Angel: The penguins have returned to the South Pole

Can: South Pole? Why not the North Pole?

Angel: Because their different penguins, and the North guys hate me.

Can: Why?

Angel: Well, you notice that there is only ice and no land in the north pole? Well, apparently I had something to do with that.

Can: What else?

Angel: Jess has gone off into exile, into parts unknown. I don't know about Colin and don't care. Harrysbabe was last seen flying off with Harry, I think their engaged.

Can: Any word on Gary, Kayleena, Demeter Tess Reading and Ash?

Angel: Their hiding, somewhere, and we can't find them. But their Order is finished!

Can: And what about Draco Malfoy?

Angel: He has disappeared into oblivion.

Can: And what about the Mods?

Angel: The Mods are loyal to the Snitch. And since you are running the Snitch, they are faithful to you. However; they have doubts about your evilness, they say all that evil.......... is bad.

Can: They will come to our way of thinking soon.

Angel: And if they don't?

Can: Then we will do what we have to.

Angel: So, what do we do now?

Can: We need a team. A team that can get things done. A team with like-minded evilness in their heads. Start the interviews!

Angel: At once my Lord.


The Snitch Interview Room: During the interviews.......

Can: The Snitch Empire, is a dynamic new organization. The kind the Snitch needs to meet the broader challenges of this world today. The earlier namby-pambyness of the Snitch Order has been destroyed. There will be no more of the ridiculous and nutty enforcing of the rules. From now on, we will force everybody to conform. That is what we wish to do. How do you think your talents could benefit the Snitch Empire in our worthy endeavor.

marymcbeth: I can help our fellow Snitcher's by giving them hugs, sending them chicken soup when their sick, giving them moral support when their down..............

Can: Next!

harrypotterfan4ever: I can help by being a superhero. I can go around doing good deeds and stopping mean things from being said. And I can stop the evil guy at the end of the story.

Can: *I* am the evil guy. Next!

ClosetHPF: My talents are, doing what I'm being told to do. Without questioning them or being held down by my morality.

Can: *Ponders* What do think about bunnies?

ClosetHPF: Er.......... Delicious?

Can: Your hired!

Random Black Rap Kid: Yo!

Can: Who the heck are you?

Random Black Rap Kid: Yo! I was made by Alphonso to appear in the PoA film. But then, ol' J.K. Said I was not canon, so I got booted from the show.

Can: And why are you here?

Random Black Rap Kid: *Jumps up on the desk and starts dancing around to a tune*

Hey I'm an ordinary guy from the hood
Who was given the boot from the PoA shoot
Here I was walking around the streets
And I see this big mansion that is called The Snitch!
I walk inside and see the people who are all good
They spread a lot of cheer like my good ol' hood
So now I'm over here I wanna help you around
Give me the job or show me out – Yea...... Yo! Yea........... Yo!

Random Black Rap Kid: *Still on the desk* So what do you say, ugly mama?

Can: *Ragged* Oh, where to begin........... first of all; I do not appreciate people jumping on my desk and dancing around madly. Second; I'm evil! Remember? Eviiillll and three; I DO NOT LIKE RAP! *Uses force lightning on RBRK*

RBRK: *Starts getting burnt up* ARGH!! YO! ARGH! YO!

Can: *Force throws RBRK out of the doors then puts fingers in front* Your fired! He, he, he. Next!

Donald Trump: *Walks in, sits down on the chair*

Can: What in hell are you doing here?

Donald Trump: I'm suing for breach of copyright.

Can: What?

Donald Trump: You used my catch-phrase "You're fired" I own that and nobody else can use it!

Can: You own that?

Donald Trump: Yes, I'm very smart. Now we will discuss terms of the surrender of The Snitch to me!

Can: No way, bub!

Donald Trump: You listen to ..................

RBRK: *Crawls in* Yo! Does that mean I don't get the job?

Can: Oh for!

Donald Trump: You there! I like you. You could be the next singing sensation or I could start my long dream of a "Donald Trump's Idol" show!

RBRK: Yo! Really?

Donald Trump: Yes, lets get out of here and become rich! Oh wait I AM already rich. I'll be richer! *Walks out hand in hand with RBRK*

Can: What about your takeover?

Donald Trump: I'll be back! *Leaves*

Can: *Frustrated* I'm surrounded by Idiots! Next!

iamhow..rude: Why isn't there a "P" in your name? Don't you know that "P" needs to be in every title there is? Don't you know that I make my living by comparing the different "P's" in existence? Don't you........

Can: *Hands on ears* I got it, I got it! You love the letter "P" Next!

Wolf: My talents are limitless, however recent events drove me to read Harry Potter for solace. I was denied the one thing that is my passion, the thing I would be able to do in your Snitch Empire.

Can: And that would be.... ?

Wolf: Brain Surgery!

Can: oookay. So you are some sort of mad Scientist/Doctor type person?

Wolf: If you want me to be.

Can: You're hired!


Angel: *Outside Throne Room*

Can: *Walks towards her* It is done

Angel: Who did you pick?

Wolf and ClosetHPF: *Appears* She picked us.

Angel: *Bewildered* Boss, you okay?

Can: *In undertone* these were the only ones with a semblance of the Dark Side. Now I need an interior decorator.

Angel: Want to turn this place into a "Addams Family?"

Can: Yes, the atmosphere is far too lovely. Not becoming for a Dark Lord.

Angel: Well, Stuart would be your man. But he's gone.

Can: Ah yes, Jess threw him out. I wonder what he's been doing lately *Walks into Throne Room*

Yet to be revealed figure: I know what he's been doing!

All: *Stares*

Dumbledore: *In front of the Throne* He has kidnapped Colin Creevey and his camera.

Can: Really? Didn't know he had it in him

Dumbledore: You need to find him and return Colin Creevey

Can: Who are you to tell me what to do, bub?

Dumbledore: I have previously overlooked the Snitch shenanigans. But now, if Colin Creevey is not returned to Hogwarts, I will not think twice about destroying this place.

Can: *Cocky* You just said the wrong words. Your time is at an end, old man! *Blood red lightsaber goes zing!*

Dumbledore takes out his wand, and a great forcewind erupts from the wand. Angel, Wolf and ClosetHPF get blown off their feet, and slam into the wall, knocked out.

Can: Your petty magical tricks do not work on me.

Dumbledore: *Points wand at Angel, and her lightsaber comes flying into his hand* Then maybe my skill with a lightsaber will

Can: Bring it on!

Can force jumps on to Dumbledore who blocks her savage attack with Angel's lightsaber. Can trained in the Dark Side of the Force feeds on her hate and malice to strike Dumbledore down. Dumbledore a master of the Light Side of the Force skillfully defends and blocks Can's reckless moves as he waits patiently for her to make an error. Can......... (Can, Jess, Harrysbabe's Note: Colin! You don't have to describe everything! Stop it!) (Colin's note: Ow geeeeee)

Can in her mad haste leaves herself open to attack, Dumbledore Force throws her backwards. Can stumbles to the ground and her lightsaber falls from her grasp. Dumbledore catches her Lightsaber with his free hand and holds them both to here neck as she lies on the ground defeated.

Dumbledore: Now you will listen

Can: *Sighs* Oh all right.

Dumbledore: Stuart is currently hiding from me by using a Snitch Cloaking Device

Can: Snitch Cloaking Device???

Dumbledore: Yes, one of your devices. Find him and return Creevey safely.

Can: Fine, fine. Get those Lightsabers out of my face!

Dumbledore: *Withdraws* Remember what will happen to your Snitch if you fail *Goes poof!*

Can: Alright people! Time for action. Angel – Creevey's got an old analog camera, go to all the photo-developing stores in Britain! And find one which has been developing, numerous, overly large-sized pictures in recent days.

Angel: At once *Leaves*

Can: ClosetHPF!

Wolf: *To Can* He's on the floor, knocked out.

Can: Still? Is he alive?

Wolf: Yes, but I can take of that, if you wish?

Can: Er..... no. Just take him to the medical room and revive him.

Wolf: Oh goody. Somebody to play with.


ClosetHPF: *Wakes up, chained to a medical bed*

Wolf: *Tone of an old butler* Good evening........

ClosetHPF: What! Where am I? What happened? Why am I ominously chined to this bed and can't move? Why are you holding those dull scissors to my head? And why are you smiling so evilly?

Wolf: *Tone of a mad doctor who is about to create a monster* You were savagely injured during the attack. You are in urgent need of Brain Surgery!

ClosetHPF: What! No! I'm fine. See, awake and all.

Wolf: Tsk, tsk, delirious.

ClosetHPF: No really! I'm okay. See *Smiles nervously* smiling and all.

Wolf: *Taps ClosetHPF's head lovingly* Suurrrre you are. Come on, don't you trust me.

ClosetHPF: No. But I hope I'll come to respect you medical skill

Wolf: Mine is the medical skill you fear, not respect!

ClosetHPF: Oh Lord! How much is this going to hurt?

Wolf: As much as I want it to! *Evil, evil maniacal laugh*

ClosetHPF: *Small squeal* Mommy.

A few hours later........

Can: *Enters medical wing of the Snitch mansion* Angel has not yet returned from her mission to find Stuarts photo-developing store. I came to check on ClosetHPF

Wolf: Fine, fine. Look around. Look through my things, pick them up and toss them like a juggler. And while your at it, think of other ways which could cause me to botch this operation

Can: Won't that cause you to make a mistake and put ClosetHPF's life in jeopardy?

Wolf: I'm counting on it.

Can: Fine, I'll just.... *Pauses and looks at ClosetHPF* Er.......... Why is he awake for open brain surgery?

Wolf: It's more fun this way.

Can: Okay, fine. Thats enough for one visit here. I shall just walk out and leave you'll both to....... er....... goodbye. *Walks out doors*

Angel: *Walks down the corridor to meet Can* I've just found out something!

Can: Me too. Keep your eye on Wolf. He's as evil as I. don't make an appointment with him anytime soon.

iamhow..rude: *Appears* Angel! I have bee meaning to continue our lively and exhilarating discussion on the lack of the letter P' in your name.

Angel: *To Can in an undertone* Can I kill him?

iamhow..rude: I have found a fascinating book, which can add P's' to people's names. See, you be AngelPie, P'Angel, AngelPly...... or you could just ditch the name Angel' and call yourself P' it would be a fabulous name.

Can: *Fake Sweetly* iamhow..rude, do you have dental problems?

iamhow..rude: Why, yes. In fact I have a cavity, its somewhere in the back.

Can: Tell you what. Our new doctor has a degree in..... er....... Dentology. And I'll give you a pass to get your cavity fixed, free of charge.

iamhow..rude: That would be a magnificent gesture. I thank you, o lady.

Can: Why don't you go there right now. He's only got one patient.

iamhow..rude: I think I'll do that, and Angel; while I'm there, I'll think of some more suitable P' names for you. *Walks into medical room*

Can: Okay, what do you know about Stuart?

Angel: I was flying around in my Snitch hovercraft, looking through all the photo-developing stores, I did not find anything. It appears that Stuart has his own red-room. But I did find something that might lead us to him.

Can: Lets go.


Wolf: *Recording a log, while doing Brian Surgery* Snitch date: er........ who cares, doesn't mean a thing anyway. I Wolf, am in the middle of a very risky procedure. One mistake, one false step, one sudden jerk, could irreparably damage this persons brain. Which is why I'm standing on one leg, holding my delicate medical instruments on my left hand, playing with a yo-yo in my right hand, while balancing a tea-pot on my head..........

iamhow..rude: *Enters medical room* Greetings! I have arrived!

Wolf: *Crash!*

iamhow..rude: Oh my, did something horribly, horribly, wrong occur to that patient?

Wolf: *Drenched in tea, looks up and examines ClosetHPF's brain, then looks at iamhow..rude with a grim face* No......... he is fine.

iamhow..rude: Well, anyway, I have a free pass from the Empress herself for a dental appointment. Can I have it now?

Wolf: Now? Do you not see a fully awake patient there with his head cut open who needs my urgent medical attention?

iamhow..rude: Er....yes

Wolf: No biggie, I can do you right now. Have a seat.


Can and Angel are in the Snitch hovercraft, hovering above a empty lot.

Angel: Do you see that empty lot over there?

Can: Yes. The narrator just pointed it out

Angel: Yes. Now you don't it, now you do *Pushes a button*

A normal house, with a huge billboard of Stuart appears out of nowhere.

Can: Ah yes, the anti-clocking facilities of the Snitch hovercraft. Good work, Angel.

The Snitch hovercraft lands, Can and Angel get out.

Angel: I've found out that Stuart contacted a billboard agency recently. It was easy to find him.

Inside the house.....

Door: *Gets broken open by Can*

Stuart: *In purple robes* Showtime!

Can and Angel: *Enter the house*

Stuart: Greetings, Can and Angel. You have just arrived for my purple-theme photo-shoot. Colin Creevey here, will do the honors.

Can: Enough with the games Stuart! Hogwarts has threatened the Snitch with destruction if you don't return Colin Creevey to them.

Stuart: Ah, just as I planned. That'll teach Queen Jess a lesson, let Hogwarts destroy her! Mu ha ha!

Can: First, you don't pull off mu ha ha' very well. Second, Queen Jess is no longer Queen of the Snitch, she has been disposed. Come home now.

Stuart: Really? Yes, I knew she wouldn't last very long. Okay, I'll come back.

Colin Creevey: Wait! This is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Stuart: And now, it has ended. Besides, I have thousands of photos of me right now, which will keep me occupied through the weekend.

Can: Alright then. *To Angel* Take Stuarts photo collection and put it in the hovercraft

Angel: What!

Can: Ah-hem, who is the master here?

Angel: Alright, I'll do it

Stuart: Oh wait, if Jess is gone. Who is in charge of the Snitch?

Can: I am. I'm the Dark Lord of the Snitch!

Stuart: You? My sweet duchess......

Can: *Lightsaber goes zing!*

Angel: Wait! We need a interior decorator

Can: Darn it!


Wolf: Spit

iamhow..rude: *Spits*

Wolf: Not on me you doofus! In the basin

iamhow..rude: Oh!

Wolf: *Goes to get a towel*

The front doorbell rings.

Wolf: Excuse me while I get that *Goes to the entrance door*

Doorbell-ringer: Quite a mansion you got here

Wolf: What do you want?

Doorbell-ringer: I'm the postman, got a package for you from RBGK chip industries'

Wolf: Put it on the ground

Postman: Fine. Say, do you have any dogs here?

Wolf: Dogs? Nooooooooooo *Pushes "Release mad dogs" button

Postman: YEEAAARRRRRGGHH!!! ............

Wolf: *Evil, evil maniacal laugh*

Wolf opens doors and picks up the package. Then returns to medical room.

iamhow..rude: Who was that?

Wolf: Postman.

iamhow..rude: Ah yes, the Postal service. Such a fantastic name

Wolf: Yeah, yeah, skip it. I got to do some drilling, open wide

iamhow..rude: Before we begin. I must comment on the lack of P' in your name

Wolf: Excuse me while I get a more painful drill.


Can, Angel, Stuart and Colin Creevey in Dumbledore's office.

Dumbledore: I see you've returned Colin Creevey

Can: Yes, o exalted one

Dumbledore: *To Creevey* Return to your dormitory

Creevey: *Leaves*

Dumbledore: I trust something like this won't happen again

Can: Yes, anybody else missing you would like us to find?

Dumbledore: Harry is gone, but he's on a vacation with his family. Mmm.... There's something wrong with that last line.

Can: Anybody else?

Dumbledore: Draco Malfoy.......

Can and Angel: *Crosses eyes*

Dumbledore: .....But who cares about him?

Can: Fine. Can we go now?

Dumbledore: Yes, but next time keep that hovercraft off the roof of Hogwarts castle


Can, Angel and Stuart return to the Snitch mansion just as the sun rises. Where they see iamhow..rude running out of the medical room clutching his jaw

iamhow..rude: Ow! I now hate, ow! Dentists! Ow! *Runs away*

Stuart: Ahh, home sweet home

Angel: Where do you think those army of lawyers were going?

Booming voice of Donald Trump from outside: I have returned and got my army of lawyers with me.

Stuart: Does that answer you question?

All: *Runs to a window*

Can: What does he think he's doing?

A Huge, huge, screen, with booming large speakers is erected by the lawyers outside the Snitch mansion.

Donald Trump: *On loud speaker* Negotiate with my lawyers to surrender your Snitch or I will play my spectacular show the Apprentice' on my mega huge screen.

Stuart: The Apprentice?' Oh no! we're doomed!

Can: Don't be such a wimp

Donald Trump: *On loud speaker* And playing the new theme song, the new singing sensation – RBRK!


Can: Argh! We're doomed!

Wolf: *Walks in, huge smile on face*

Angel: *To Wolf* Whats the matter with you?

Wolf: *Big smile* I did Brain Surgery today!

Can: Okay, somebody check if ClosetHPF is still alive

ClosetHPF: Here I am

ClosetHPF walks in with a confident march. He's got a spiffy new suit on. Face, clear cut. Shiny new shoes. And holding a magnificent briefcase at his side.

Can: ClosetHPF?

Wolf: *Even bigger smile* I did that!

ClosetHPF: Have no fear of these lawyers. I shall take care of them. *Walks out entrance doors*

All: *Looks out the window. ClosetHPF is speaking with Donald Trump*

Donald Trump: *Gestures to his lawyers*

Lawyers: *Begin dismantling big screen and speakers, and start to move away*

Donald Trump: *Shakes hand with ClosetHPF and then walks away with RBRK into his limo*

ClosetHPF: *Walks back into the Snitch mansion to Can and the others*

Stuart: How? What? When? .........

Can: *Smacks Stuart's head*

Stuart: How did you do that?

ClosetHPF: I just had a man-to-man talk with him. Wolf can explain this.

Wolf: I can explain that. You see, I got a strange shipment of RBGK brain chips. RBGK himself was artificially created by a bio-company for Alphonso Cuaron. After the mega success of RBGK, the company started manufacturing the brain chips for profit. And I got a free sample, which I put into ClosetHPF.

Can: So, your another RBGK?

ClosetHPF: Well no, but I know everything!

Can: *Sighs* Man! What a day

Angel: Yeah, this has been the strangest day yet.

Can: *Walks towards th Throne Room as the rest of them follow* Yeah, well we better get used to it. we're going to have a lot more of them.

Wolf: Yes, but what for?

Angel: What do you mean?

Wolf: I mean what are we doing here? What is our ultimate goal?

All: *Enters destroyed Throne Room*

Stuart: Wow! What happened here?

Can: Dumbledore attacked us. it's all your fault

Stuart: Oh!

Wolf: Somebody answer my question.

ClosetHPF: Yeah, I mean, doesn't make much sense. Your the Dark Lord of one of the nicest place on earth. What are you trying to accomplish?

Can: *Sits down on destroyed throne* What I'm trying to accomplish? Listen, I took over the Snitch because it's a powerful weapon. A weapon that was not being used to it's full capacity. I'm going to take it, and make it into a fighting force. A force that will take over the world, with all of us at the helm. We are going to use the Snitch to take over the world. Don't scoff, and don't think it won't happen. It will, because I got the best team imaginable. Wolf!

Wolf: Yes, My Lord

Can: I need you to begin preparations for a Clone Army and a Death Sat

Wolf: At once!

Can: ClosetHPF! Work with Wolf on this. He will need your newly acquired knowledge.

ClosetHPF: It will be done

Can: Stuart! Clean this place up. Make it more suitable for an Emperor. And after that, work with Wolf and ClosetHPF to design the Clone Army uniforms and the Death Sat

Stuart: A job worthy of my talents.

Can: Angel! Your in-charge of the mods. They must come to our way of thinking. We need them, but they might revolt.

Angel: I shall do my best

Can: *Gets up from the throne* This is our Quest! It won't be easy and there will be obstacles. But we'll deal with whatever comes next.

An sudden burst of energy throws them all against the wall.

Can: I had to open my mouth!

In the middle of the room, in front of the throne. An ashen whirlwind starts to glow with flecks of red flashes as something begins to materialize inside it. A man's skeletal form shows, then it gradually fills out until it's complete. The wind fades and Draco Malfoy is standing there, screaming and grunting, in the middle of the Throne Room. The brief chaos stops as Draco Malfoy stands there, wheezing. He looks up surprised at everybody staring at him.

Can: Malfoy?

Angel: Malfoy!

"Here endeth the Chapter"


Even more shameless self promotion:

If you enjoy sweet, romantic stories with lots of niceness, read........

A Christmas Romance by Jess and When in Love by Can.

If you enjoy the exact opposite, read.........

Harry Potter and the Spell of Alpha and Omega by Colin Xavier.

And if you don't enjoy both, there is always........

Rising Dreams by Can.




  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 2,022 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Chester, UK
  • I am a:Witch
  • House:Ravenclaw
May I be the first to congratulate you on this thrilling sequel to the Quest of Jess? More darkness, gratuitous evilness and purple than any fanfic I've ever read! I particularly like the appearance of Wolf as the deranged dentist. :lol:


BTW - will Arnie be appearing to sue for use of his favourite catchphrase? o@



    .:Prowling the forums:.

  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 2,302 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Did you look behind you?
  • I am a:Wizard
  • House:Hufflepuff
hehehe. Loved this first chappie!

I am not too fond of me fiddling with someone's brain (maybe because I dont like psychs...) but I am happy that my work with ClosetHPF came out right. :lol:

I especially loved that one:

iamhow..rude: Before we begin. I must comment on the lack of P' in your name

Wolf: Excuse me while I get a more painful drill.

You have no idea how many times I have wanted to do that... *evil grin*
.:My Fanfics:.
Completed: Discovery for a new student. and Six Years After
Planned: Chaos and Eternity (story skeleton being fleshed out)

.:Recommended Fics:.
Entropist and Lumia (aka: gmhpfan)
Fic World (repository of fics by Wolf, Entropist and Lumia)
Beginning: The Keeper of Swyn Llyfr by *Liliana*
Riddle and Secrets and Coming Full Circle by Lalaluna

Colin Xavier

Colin Xavier

    Star Trek Fan

  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,323 posts
  • Location:StarFleet Headquarters
Wow! It's just been a half hour!

Hollycat: All those things you decribed were exactly the things we were gunning for. Thanks a lot!

Wolf: That one post of yours pretty much summed up as to why you're the Snitch Empire's Mad Doctor/Scientist/ part time dentist. Thanks for reading

My Fanfic
Harry Potter and the Spell of Alpha and Omega

Quartet Productions Present -Harry Potter and the Quest of Jess!
The Continuing Adventures of Dark Lord Can - A Sequal to 'The Quest of Jess!'
Written by Colin Xavier, Can, Jess and Harrysbabe!

Harry Potter and the Saviour of the Universe Completed



    .:Quidditch Captain:.

  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 2,375 posts
  • I am a:Squib
  • House:Slytherin
Urm....an interesting beginning? But I do believe that you underestimated my evilness, among other things. Maybe, it's a different ClosetHPF from an alternate universe. And I will never scream: "mommy" or any other family member's name. I feel so insulted! :o :lol: I AM NOT ANYONE'S STOOGE! * crosses arms * o@ (seriously, I do what I like when I like).

Except for the poor representation of yours truly, the rest of the chapter was pretty good, especially how they found Colin and Stuart so quickly. Imagine, Dumbledore already duelling with Can in the first chapter. I can't wait for the rest of the story to unfold. Nice work! * thumbs up *
The Rock of Ages General <span style='color:yellow'>Last Update: 28 May 2007</span>



    .:Dark Lord of the Snitch:.

  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,647 posts
  • Location:Emperor's Chamber, The Snitch Empire
No ClosetHPF, we didn't underestimate your evilness. And we definitely did not have any intention to insult you! o@

As I said, almost none of the Snitcher's in this story have been portrayed how they are in real life. I'm no Dark Lord *Puppy dog eyes* Wolf is definitely no mad scientist, and your not a stooge, seriously.

Anyway, thanks for reading. And I'm glad you like the rest of it. Next chapter is written by me. :lol:
<center>Quartet Productions Present -Harry Potter and the Quest of Jess!
The Continuing Adventures of Dark Lord Can - A Sequal to 'The Quest of Jess!'
Written by Colin Xavier, Can, Jess and Harrysbabe!



    In Darkness Light May Be Found

  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,465 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • I am a:Muggle
  • House:Hufflepuff
:lol: This is a great sequel to Quest of Jess! I especially enjoyed the brain surgery parts. Especially iamhow....rude's little comment on Wolf's and Angel's names...LoL

You know, if those oicture's of the diva get any bigger, Can could take over the world with them! Hahaha!

Nice job, and keep up the great work!

Chloe o@



    master of bamboozlement

  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,660 posts
I giggled,
I Gaffawed,
I Chortled

this is all that a funny fic should be, I especially liked 'Wolf' the Mad Scientist, I always Knew he was resorseful, but .

i eagerly await the next installment

Posted Image
huge thanks to erwan for the banner is'nt it wounderful
my fics, Harry's Gift, Legacy, Buffallo wings, The Tour, Panto and Remember Pheionix Day




  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPip
  • 236 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Houston, Texas, USA
  • I am a:Wizard
  • House:Hufflepuff

harrypotterfan4ever: I can help by being a superhero. I can go around doing good deeds and stopping mean things from being said. And I can stop the evil guy at the end of the story.


You got it all wrong. I am not a superhero. I am a wizard/Jedi Master. My goal is not to:

go around doing good deeds and stopping mean things from being said.


Ever since the Snitch was taken over by the Sith, it has been my goal to destroy the Sith and restore the original Snitch Order. And

stop the evil guy at the end of the story.


If I appear in anymore chapters, I would like to be consulted before publication, please.

Colin Xavier

Colin Xavier

    Star Trek Fan

  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,323 posts
  • Location:StarFleet Headquarters
ClosetHPF: You were originally meant to be a Kick-A** lawyer right from the start but then we had the idea for a "Pholxian" Wolf who loves Brain Surgery. Since Stuart wasn't there yet, your character had to undergo some sacrifices for the start of this tale.

Harrypotterfan4ever: Darn you! You just had to go and reveal yourself before your plot in the story. :crying: Oh well, at least you guys don't yet know what it's about :D

Don't worry, Chloe and gmhpfan. We haven't forgotton you guys. It's just that another Quartet member wants to reply to you

Keep reading! More adventures of Dark Lord Can on the way. Can's writing the next chapter. Aren't you guys wondering why Draco is there?

My Fanfic
Harry Potter and the Spell of Alpha and Omega

Quartet Productions Present -Harry Potter and the Quest of Jess!
The Continuing Adventures of Dark Lord Can - A Sequal to 'The Quest of Jess!'
Written by Colin Xavier, Can, Jess and Harrysbabe!

Harry Potter and the Saviour of the Universe Completed




  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 2,022 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Chester, UK
  • I am a:Witch
  • House:Ravenclaw
Ooh, yes, me, I'm wondering!





  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 4,433 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:England
  • I am a:Witch
  • House:Gryffindor
I'm glad you all enjoyed it! The madness has arrived *evil grin*
Well this chapter was mainly up to Colin and Can but they'll be more from me! Sit back and enjoy the insaness!

you are my sweetest downfall. <3

Colin Xavier

Colin Xavier

    Star Trek Fan

  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,323 posts
  • Location:StarFleet Headquarters
Jeez! It's been almost two months that we haven't updated this Fanfic. We're so very sorry but several problems came out at us all at once. Adult responsibilities, vacations, sudden illness, changing of the writer of this chapter, Internet getting knocked off, in my case for a month! A month!

That and many other things delayed this chapter for so long. Can was meant to write this chapter but left the Snitch because of what happened in her personal life. Bits of her writing is here but 95 percent of it is mine.

Please forgive us and enjoy this fantastic piece of literature

Chapter Two: Ghostly Ghost

Written by Colin Xavier

Four days earlier.....

Draco: *Running away into the streets* But I’m not that important! No need to kill me.

Angel: *Running after Draco* True, I’m just doing this for fun!

They both run into a city, where Draco turns a corner

Angel: You think its that easy to get away from me? *Turns around corner* Oh, oh.

A huge crowd coming out of a ‘vampire lovers convention’

Angel: *Looks at the hordes of Angel (The vampire you doofus!) Spike and Dracula look-alike's* Okay, Hogwarts student in Hogwarts robe. Should be easy to find *Looks around*

After some time.....

Angel: *Looks at a person in a Hogwarts robe* There you are! *Uses force pull. The guy comes falling at her feet*

Hogwarts robed guy: *Dude voice* Dude! That was so awesome!

Angel: You’re not Draco!

Hogwarts robed guy: No.... but I can be whoever you want me to be, pretty mama.

Angel: *Lightsaber goes zing!* Who gave you that robe and where is he?

Hogwarts robed guy: *Scared* Er..... he just came and gave me this in exchange for my outfit

Angel: What was your outfit?

Hogwarts robed guy: A complete Spike ensemble

Angel:Where did he go?

Hogwarts robed guy: I don’t know

Angel: *Puts lightsaber at Hogwarts robed guy’s neck* Are you sure?

Hogwarts robed guy: *Points* He went that way!

Angel: Thank you.


Draco: *Running through the alleyway, bumps into someone then falls down* Bloody hell! *Looks up at Weird guy*

Weird Guy: *Rambling* I was there! *Puts finger to the air* There I tell you! I was right there when that battle between Angel and Can was going on. But, does anybody bother to write about me? Noooo.... I’m not important enough! Ha! I’ll show them.

Draco: Stop! I don’t have time for you sodding sob-story. Look, Can and Angel have joined together back at that.... whatever mansion thingy that was there. Can has ordered my death, and Angel’s doing the dirty work. Help me!

Weird Guy: *Gives Draco a hug*

Draco: *Confused* I don’t want a hug.

Weird Guy: Shhhh! *Steps back from Draco*

Draco: What was that for *Looks down to see his legs and body being dissolved into the swirling mist* Oh crap!

Weird Guy: *Goes Poof!*

Angel: *Appears in the dark alleyway*

Draco: Arrghhh! *Dissolves into nothingness*


Draco: *Materializes* *Wheezes* *Looks Around* Huh?

All: *Stares*

Can: Malfoy?

Angel: Malfoy!

Door bursts open, Rita Skeeter walks in followed by a photographer

Rita Skeeter: Ah, yes. Finally you’re here. Marvelous, marvelous. Gather around everyone, group photo. Then later, we can get to the interview.

Can: What! What interview?

Stuart: I think my right profile is my best. don’t you? *Poses*

Rita Skeeter: Well, thats enough talking. Everyone, group hug! We need a photo here remember?

Draco: Thats suits me just fine. I’m not part of this group, so I’ll be going then

Can: *To Draco* You are not going anywhere! *To Rita Skeeter* What do you think you’re doing?

Stuart: *To photographer* Hey look, buddy. I’ve been waiting for a lot of seconds for you to take my picture. Whats it going to take for one flash?

Photographer: Do you know Fleur’s number?

Stuart: *Appalled* Fleur? FLEUR? I am here, and you want Fleur?!

Photographer: Last time I met her. She said in her delightful French accent “You are strange and off-putting. Go away” and.... I went. With only a photo as memory.

Stuart: Not going to take my photo? *Poses* Take that! No? *Poses again*

Draco: *To Can* Stay here? You have an order out there to kill me, remember?

Can: I do?

Rita Skeeter: *Writing on her parchment* Doesn't remember things very well......

Can: I do too! Now where were we?

Wolf: *To Can* You know, you do have a problem with your brain, I could fix that.

Can: Wolf! You stay away from me. Rita! Stay a long way away from me. Draco! don’t think I can’t see you trying to sneak away, get back here. Stuart! Get back on your legs, standing on your head is not an appropriate pose for a photo. ClosetHPF! Shut up!

ClosetHPF: What? I didn’t do anything.

Stuart: *To Can* But he wasn’t taking my photo.

Photographer: Listen buddy, you’ll have to do a lot better than that to get my attention. for you see, I’ve seen the vision of beauty. Now everything else pales in comparison.

Stuart: Pales? PALES? *Breathes very hard* Excuse me, I need a drink.

Can: *To Draco* I gave an order for your execution?

Draco: Er... you don’t remember that? Good! Cause there is nothing to remember! I’ll just find my way out now.

Can: Oh yes! Now I remember. That was in the last story. Angel, get him!

Angel: *Sadistically* With pleasure!

Rita Skeeter: Ohh, this is even better than the interview.

Can: Angel, wait!

Angel: What? Why?

Draco: *To Angel* What do you mean why? She’s your master, do as she tells you.

Can: *To Angel* I’m not giving Rita Skeeter a story. Wait until after she goes.

Rita Skeeter: *Sarcastic* Oh, your going to be like that, are you?

Stuart: I’m back!

Can: *To Rita Skeeter* I can be whatever I want. I’m the Dark Lord!

Stuart: And, nobody missed me.

Rita Skeeter: Oh, your the Dark Lord, are you. I’ve got some dirt on your history, which I will release if you don’t give me my interview or a sufficient death.

Can: You got dirt on me? Like what?

Rita Skeeter: I’ve got dirt on you, oh yes. Such dirt that will ruin your reputation forever.

Can: *Fake sweet voice* Ooh, enlighten us.

Rita Skeeter: I got it on firm ground by anonymous sources that before your reign as the Dark Lord, you... were.... a .... Sweet Chica!

Can: *Dirty face*

Rita Skeeter: There, I’ve got.....

Can: Everybody knows that!

Rita Skeeter: .... they do? Darn it! I’ve got to fire my dirt digger.

Photographer: I’m your dirt digger.

Rita Skeeter: Well, then, your fired!

Photographer: Ha! You can’t fire me. I’m in union.

Stuart: You're in the photographer’s union?!

Photographer: *Proudly* One of it’s leading members, through many a underhanded spells of mine.

Stuart: You are the bane of me *Attacks Photographer*

Draco: *To Can* You were sweet? I didn’t know that.

Can: Shut up Draco!

Draco: I will not! You were a sweet chica when you took over Slytherin house? they’ll love to hear this

Can: *To Angel* Kill him!

Angel: At last!

Can: Stuart stop that! I’m trying to enjoy a death here.

Stuart: *Trying to wrestle camera away from Photographer in the midst of many fist and foot attacks* Give me the camera. Your unworthy hands do not deserve to hold such a pristine object!

Photographer: By the power invested in me by the Photographer’s Union, and the “Official Fleur Lovers Club”, I strike at thee.

Angel: *Lightsaber goes zing!* *Charges at Draco*

Draco: *Looks at Lightsaber, too shocked to move*

Angel: *Runs Lightsaber through Draco* Al last! He is............ Eh?

Draco: I’m alive!

Angel: Not for long! *Runs Lightsaber through Draco again. No damage* What is going on here?!!

Wolf: It appears that Lightsabers do not harm him, may I suggest longer and more painful methods?

ClosetHPF: I think I have an explanation

Angel: *Runs through Draco's head. Hand goes right through*

Draco: Hey!

ClosetHPF: He's a ghost.

Can: He’s not a ghost.....

Rita Skeeter: A ghost! I’m really afraid of ghosts.

Can: Yes! he’s a ghost. And he’s one of the many ghosts of our ghost army. They are all very scary and they are coming to getcha! Draco, say boo!

Draco: Er... Boo?

Rita Skeeter: AAAAAHHHHHHH!! *Runs out through doors*

Can: Stuart, you can stop now.

Stuart: *Still wrestling with the Photographer* You don’t condone violence now? You’re the Dark Lord!

Can: I have more pressing issues to deal with right now.

Stuart: *Lets go of Photographer*

Photographer: *Gets up*

Stuart: At least take a photo of Draco, I mean he’s a ghost! * Goes and stands next to Draco*

Photographer: Whats the use? I mean he doesn't even look like a ghost.

Stuart: What if my hand went through his head *Does that* See!

Draco: Hey!

Photographer: Forget it buddy! I’m getting out of here.

Can: Before you go, why exactly is Rita Skeeter so afraid of ghosts?

Photographer: Oh, she had a run-in with a ghost called Peeves. Hasn’t been the same since *Leaves*

Stuart: Yeah, you go! Get out of here! Go back to your Photographer’s union and to that stupid Fleur Lover Club *To ClosetHPF* Quick! I need Fleur’s phone number.

ClosetHPF: It’s -------- (Authors note: I’m not going to tell you! Specially after the 50 times shes hung up on me, oh well, here’s 51!)

Stuart: Thanks. *Dials number* Engaged, I’ll try again!

ClosetHPF: *To Wolf* You realize we’re the............. I’m the only person here that’s normal.

Wolf: You? Mr-I-got-a-chip-in-my-head?

ClosetHPF: Looking past that!

Angel: People! We’ve got a real problem here! I can’t kill Draco!

Draco: Yes, we’ve got a real problem here! *To Angel* I’m so sorry for your loss.

Stuart: *Dialing* Yes! Fleur? Yeah I’m........... What? No, I’m not that guy! Wait, don’t hang up! *To ClosetHPF* Guess what?

ClosetHPF: She hung up.

Stuart: *Dialing* Wow, you really do know everything *On Cellphone* Fleur? No, no! I’m NOT that guy. I work with Bill Weasley, and I think you two would work great together. *Wide smile* You think so, too? Yeah now we’re talking.........

Can: *To Draco* You know, that guy was right. You’re not a real Ghost.

Draco: And how many ghosts have you actually met?

Can: Quite a few actually, in Hogwarts.

Draco: Darn it, keep forgetting about them.

Can: So, what exactly are you? And how did you get here? *Slightly hot* what’s with the Spike clothes?

Draco: Spike who?

Can: *Shocked* You don’t know Spike??? I sooooo want to kill you!!!

Draco: And I don’t want to kill you? I would so like to........

ClosetHPF: Can’t you kill her? I mean, don’t you have your wand?

Draco: Yes! I’ll do that. And you can’t even touch me! Ha ha, prepare to die. *Searches robes*

Can: *Glares at ClosetHPF*

ClosetHPF: What?

Draco: *Searching Spike clothes* You will bleed. *Still searching* You will bleed a pool of blood and then I’ll kill Angel and add her blood to it and fill a swimming pool. *Now desperately searching* And then I’ll swim in it, I’ll do the bloody backstroke! *Really really desperately searching now* Where’s my wand?!!

Can: You lost your wand? *Laughs* I’m so glad I dumped you for Angel.

Stuart: Yeah, one moment Fleur. *To Can in a naughty voice* You did what with Angel?

Can: Apprentice! I dumped Draco to make her my apprentice!

Stuart: Ohh. *Back on phone* No no, Fleur. Nothing important. Continue

Draco: Oh great! I must have left it with that “Dude” guy.

Can: Yeah, whatever. Answer my questions.

Draco: One, I don’t know. Two, I don’t know. Three, I don’t know who “Spike” is.

Can: *To ClosetHPF* Explain this apparition will you.

ClosetHPF: I don’t know

All: *Stares*

ClosetHPF: Oh, come on! RBGK took two films before he got into the movie. I'm still processing all the data.

Wolf: See, see. he’s still processing the data. I have not failed!

Can: So what can we do to Draco?

ClosetHPF: Well we can do scans of Draco in Wolf’s lab, and considering the way Draco entered this place, I have a hunch that it might involve mystical prophecies. I and Stuart could look those over.

Can: I was thinking more along the lines of getting him out of here.

Wolf’s Lab:

Wolf is moving around Draco with a device that gives off a distinct “Hum” sound

Draco: This is a lab? It looks more like a torture chamber.

Wolf: It is a marvelous union of both.

Draco: I suddenly feel a lot safer being a ghost.

Wolf: Yes, flaunt that on my face. Here I poses at my hands devices of unimaginable torture and suffering and then I see you, who I cannot use these on. I now pronounce you Wolf’s Bane!

Draco: *Sarcastic* I’m honored! Now get over with these invasive scans! I feel violated.

In walks Can and Angel

Can: *Enters* Do you know anything?

Wolf: I know many things! Things that will make you reach in your mouth and pull your heart out in disgust.....

Can: About Draco!

Wolf: Oh, I can safely say that he’s not a ghost, but he acts like one; he’s not dead, but he clearly is; and he goes through objects, but he can stand on the floor quite convincingly. so in short, I know nothing.

Can: Great, just great. *To Angel* Did you do anything to him?

Angel: Oh I wish. But he vanished into thin air, just as I got into that alleyway.

Wolf: Clearly something happened in that alleyway. *To Draco* What happened in that alleyway? You unhelpful prat.

Draco: Some guy hugged me.

Wolf: See, unhelpful.

Can: Lets hope ClosetHPF and Stuart find something.

Draco: Whatever miss prissy. I’m in that ‘Wannabe organization that supports Potter!’ so I’m getting out of here!

Can: Your not going anywhere!

Draco: Try and stop me! *Walks through the wall*

Snitch Prophecy Room:

Stuart: *Scribbling heavily into a prophecy book*

ClosetHPF: What are you doing? You don’t write in these. *Snatches book away from Stuart* What's this? *Takes out piece of paper from prophecy book* “Ten different ways to get Bill to love Fleur”

Stuart: I shall have my revenge on that photographer. I shall!

ClosetHPF: Great. But we’re researching Draco right now. So focus. *Hands book back to Stuart*

Stuart: *Reading the book* I don’t get this crazy language!

ClosetHPF: Language? Oh, *Takes book from Stuart, turns it upside down, then puts it back in Stuart’s hands*

Stuart: Well, will you look at that. English!

One hour passes.....

ClosetHPF: Well, here’s something.

Stuart: Yeah, here’s what Angel wrote: “In the future the one that is called Stuart, will no longer post pictures of himself on the Snitch. Thus saving excessive bandwidth” The audacity!

ClosetHPF: I was talking about Draco. The sand-shoe prophecy seems to be talking about him.

Stuart: Sand-Shoe? What kind of a name is that?

ClosetHPF: Well, apparently the author of this was very angry that his shoes were filled with sand, that he took it out by writing prophecies of the distant future.

Stuart: Er, right. Well, now that we’re done here. I have to continue my crusade of getting Bill and Fleur together. Where is my phone?

ClosetHPF: Fine. And I have to get this to Can.


Snitch Throne Room:

Angel: Mods are getting restless, they say that there has been too much “Questionable Activity” lately

Can: They're just jittery from that near-takeover by Trump

ClosetHPF: *Walks in* I have information about Draco

Can: Spill

ClosetHPF: Apparently there will be a “Ghost with gelled hair and black clothing will do something for the Snitch that will help it immensely. Afterward, he will be rewarded by gaining his body back”

Draco: That's for me!

Can: *To Draco* Didn't you leave?

Draco: Don't think I didn't try! Every time I get within city limits, I pop right back over here!

ClosetHPF: That's to be expected, according to this “The fate of The One, is tied to the fate of the Snitch. Either cannot part as long as one remains in spirit”

Draco: Who writes that tosh?

Can: So, Draco remains here?

ClosetHPF: As long as the prophecy remains unfulfilled

Angel: Great, just great.

Draco: I'm stuck here? The unknown organization that supports Harry Potter? The Horror!

Can: Not any more, I'm number one here now, scarhead's second.

Draco: Really? Then what's with all the life-size pictures and statues of the git?

Can: *Looks around* Somebody find Stuart, we need to do some decorating.

Angel: Aren't we a little busy for that?

Can: Why? What else can happen today?

Computer terminal comes out of the wall, alarm starts ringing

Alarm: Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Can: I'm cursed!

Angel: *Moves to computer* Three force-powerful males with lightsabers are moving along the west wing.

Can: Jedi?

Angel: Girly robes, “I am bigger and better than thou” attitude. Yep, Jedi.

Can: Send the Mods out, carry out evacuation plan BD

Angel: No need, there's only one other life-sign in that area and he's got a cellphone.

Draco: *Walks through wall*

Can: Cellphone? Oh sheesh

All: Stuart!

West Wing:

Stuart: *On phone* So it's a plan then? Great! You'll have Bill yet *Looks ahead at three robed males* Hey, only registered members are allowed to browse the Snitch! What are you doing here?

Jedis: *Lightsabers go zing*

Stuart: Answer me, or I'll flee in terror!

Jedis: *Remain silent*

Stuart: I warned you! *Flees*

Jedi 1: *Uses Force Pull* *Stuart goes flying through the air and lands at his feet*

Jedi 2: A strange specimen.

Jedi 3: Where is the Dark Lord?! We pacifists have come to kill her with extreme pleasure and glee, in self defense of course.

Stuart: I'm not saying anything!

Jedi 1: Lets take him inside this room and tie him up so we can interrogate him better.

Jedi 3: Maybe use a little torture, No?

Jedi 2: We Jedi NEVER use torture

Jedi 3: All right, we'll call it “Coercive Interrogation”

Jedi 2: Fine by me.

Jedi 3: I love following rules. *They all enter a room and tie Stuart to a chair* Now I shall torture you, here! Take that! And that! And that!

Jedi 1: Tell us what we want to know!

Jedi 2: *Hand on forehead* Alas this must be done, for the good of the many

Jedi 3: and that! And a little of this, and some of that action *Continues scratching Stuart's bare foot with a feather*

Stuart: *Laughing* The..... Torture! *Laughing* Oh the torture! *Laughing* I .....will *Laughing* tell you nothing!

Draco: You'll get nothing out of him.

Jedis: *Jump out on top of Draco* *Goes right through him towards the floor*

Draco: Really now, I'm flattered but we hardly know each other....

Jedi 1: It's a Dark Force Ghost! Do not listen! Shield yourself for it's evil dark.........

Draco: I'm here to help you

Jedi 1: We're listening

Draco: First up, there's a security camera in this room and I need you to pull the plug on it

Jedi 2: Security cameras? Yikes! We're spotted!

Jedi 3: We're found! What do we do?

Draco: Oh for...........

Snitch Throne Room:

Angel: They got the camera, I've lost transmission.

Can: Send in security!

ClosetHPF: Er..... you fired them.

Can: What?

Angel: They were Jess's Imperial Guard. You had them thrown out of here.

Can: Sheesh, Oh well, Stuart's not that important anyway.

ClosetHPF: Remember the redecorating?

Can: Arrrrrgh!

Random West Wing Room:

Draco: Remember! She's too powerful too be killed so I'm guessing that you have a back up plan about sending her to some alternate universe?

Jedi 1: That was the plan

Jedi 3: But I wanted battle! And blood!

Draco: Not going to happen. So how are you going to send her off to Neverland?

Jedi 3: We use the this sacred orb which will bind her and then throw her into some hell dimension where she will bleed for eternity

Draco: All right, here's the plan. Reconnect the wires to the camera.......

Snitch Throne Room:

Angel: Visual is back

Wolf: *Walks in* Watching TV? What's on?

Jedi 3: *On screen* Greetings Dark Lord Can. As you can see, We have one of you prisoner and we're going to torture him!

Wolf: My favorite!

Jedi 1: *On Screen* Come alone, and we may spare him.

Can: *Thunders out* Nobody tortures Stuart but me!

Random West Wing Room:

Draco: *To Jedi 3* Why don't you torture him some more? Put your Lightsaber down behind his chair.

Jedi 3: Why not? *Does as instructed then moves on Stuart with a fresh feather*

Stuart: *Laughing hard*

Draco: That's no way to torture him!

Jedi 3: It isn't?

Seconds later.....

Stuart: Stop it! Stop it now! I beg you! Stop! Have mercy!!!

Jedi 3: *Continues to rip apart (In front of Stuarts face) Stuart' personal photos

Draco: Now we're talking....

Can: *Door bursts open, Can thunders in* Now you die!

Draco: Now!

Jedis: *Chant in unison, three golden rings snap to Can from the orb which is on the floor. She is suspended in the air helplessly* Yes! Quickly! Lets send her away! *Chants again*

Draco: *Moves behind Stuart* Hey Stuart, listen up *Whispers*

A great black hole erupts behind Can

Jedis: *Straining* A little while longer....

Draco: *Places hand on Jedi 3's Lightsaber. His hand goes right through* Come on concentrate! *Grips hand on the Lightsaber and it powers up* Come on....

Can: Er...... Angel? A little help here?

Draco: *Picks up Lightsaber and runs it through the ropes restraining Stuart*

Stuart: *Runs to the Orb and in quick succession smashes it against the wall*

Jedis: *Stunned and horrified*

Can: *Black hole disappears and Can falls to the floor her Lightsaber in hand*

Jedis: *To Draco* You said you would help us!

Draco: I lied. *Throws Jedi 3's lightsaber to Can*

Can: * Lightsabers go zing!*

Jedi 1 and 2: *Attacks Can*

Seconds later.....

Jedi 1 and 2: *Lay dead on the floor*

Can: *Advances on Jedi 3*

Jedi 3: Please don't hurt me!

Can: *Holds lightsabers to his neck* So, you like torture huh?

Later, Medical Bay

Can: *Brings shackled Jedi 3 into the room* Wolf, I trust you will 'take care' of him?

Wolf: *Looks at Jedi 3 with gigantic smile* Oh I shall, I shall! *Evil, evil, maniacal laugh*

Snitch Throne Room:

Can: *Enters revamped luxurious Snitch Throne Room* Stuart, great job!

Stuart: *Somber* I have suffered a lot. I needed to do something to take my mind of.....

ClosetHPF and Angel: *Walk in*

Angel: Hey Stu! The postman is here with a large package from “express personal photos” but he's not coming anywhere near the Snitch grounds.

Stuart: Tally Ho! *Runs out gleefully*

Can: *To Angel* Where were you when I needed help?!

Angel: Er.... um, I.... er

ClosetHPF: She was busy contemplating her ascension to the Throne in the event of your death.

Angel: *Stamps ClosetHPF's foot*

ClosetHPF: Ow, ow!

Angel: *Fake sweet voice* That must hurt? Maybe you should see Wolf?

ClosetHPF: Wolf? No! Never again! *Hops out on one foot*

Can: *To Angel in dangerous voice* Well.....?

Angel: *Stalling for time* Well..... you see.....

Draco: *Walks in through the wall* I'm back!

Angel: Look! It's Draco! Lets scream at him.

Can: *Rounds on Draco* What the hell were you doing back there?

Draco: *Sarcastic* Er.. saving your life?

Can: Saving? You helped those Jedis and you tortured Stu!

Draco: Tortured Stu? Is that a problem?

Can: Well, no. Not really.

Draco: Listen, I helped you guys out 'cause I think you guys are my best bet to get my body back. And in the process, if I can a little fun, I gonna take it.

Can: *Seething* I hate you...

Draco: *Smirks* same here luv, now I just realized I have unfettered access to the mansion, that includes the girls bathroom. *Leaves*

Can: I want Draco to get his body back, fast!

Angel: Why?

Can: So I can kill him!

Angel: Aye, aye, your lordship.

Can: So I seem to remember discussing a very important matter of your.....

Angel: *Hastily* Rita Skeeter's coming back tomorrow!

Can: What!

Angel: Yeah, she sent an owl. She will be here tomorrow.

Can: *Goes on a rant about Rita Skeeter*

Later, Snitch Owlery: (Authors note: Yes! The Snitch has an owlery. It also has, super-sonic jet launching pad. It ALSO has a giant TV antenna that picks up stations from across the galaxy, along with a ton of other things which we will put in to advance the plot. So there!)

Angel: *Writing on a parchment* Rita Skeeter, will grant interview. Ghost Draco is not a ghost. DLC will love to have you here. DLC's apprentice – Angel.


In a galaxy far, far away.......

Hologram Harrypotterfan4ever: *Who is still on earth* The three Jedi you sent were useless! DLC continues her reign!

Yoda: Disturbing, this information is.

Mace Windu: This makes our current situation worse! *Slams hand on desk*

Yoda: Calm yourself, Mace. Time for hand-slamming, later.

Hologram Harrypotterfan4ever: It's all 'his' fault.

Qui Gon Jinn: I don't know what you are talking about

Hologram Harrypotterfan4ever: It was you who contacted and opened Can to the force. Don't try to deny it, we have a droid recording of it.

Qui Gon Jinn: *Mutters* I told it to clean up later, but noooooooo it has to adhere to protocol! Stupid beepity-boppity thing!

Yoda: * To Qui Gon Jinn* Pains me, to see you like this. Into exile, you must go.

Qui Gon Jinn: All I did was open up a terribly powerful force-sensitive to the Force, is that so wrong?

Jedi Council: YES!

Qui Gon Jinn: *Crosses arms* You're all wrong! I did it once and I'll do it again!

Mace Windu: *Slams hand again* Darn it!

Yoda: Master Windu?

Mace Windu: It's been two minutes that I've haven't been able to show off my “Kick butt” demeanor

Qui Gon Jinn: Oh fall out of a window already

Yoda: *Sighs* Go, Qui Gon, you must.

Qui Gon Jinn: *Nose up in the air* I'll go, but I shall return! And later I will become a more powerful Jedi then any of you! *Leaves*

Yoda: And you Master Harrypotterfan4ever must return here.

Hologram Harrypotterfan4ever: I'm getting 'Twilek girls gone wild' in high def over here. I'm not going anywhere.

Mace Windu: I have quite a fan following among them, you know.

Hologram Harrypotterfan4ever: And what are you going to do about DLC?

Yoda: We will carry out the most ancient and frequently used remedy for this

Hologram Harrypotterfan4ever: What will the Jedi Council do?

Yoda: Ignore it, we will.

"Here endeth the Chapter"


Authors Note: Stuart is perfect! Yes! I said it. Don't you look at me like that! I said it once and I'll say it again, Stuart is perfect! *A few silent seconds pass* God, what is wrong with me? *Runs to shrink*



    .:Quidditch Captain:.

  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 2,375 posts
  • I am a:Squib
  • House:Slytherin
Draco's a ghost and yet isn't. How curious! :P :snake: I liked the part when he materialized into Can's court and with Rita Skeeter and a photographer to boot, and with him betraying those Jedis (or is it part of the author's idea to spice up the chapters * glares at Colin knowingly * :wub: ).

It also seems that I'm the only sane one there. :D It seems strange that Can wants to kill Draco when he's already under her command.

Very funny chapter, Colin. Good show! o@ * wonders what the final part with Qui Gon Jin and Joda has to do with the story *
The Rock of Ages General <span style='color:yellow'>Last Update: 28 May 2007</span>




  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 4,433 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:England
  • I am a:Witch
  • House:Gryffindor
Andy: Nobody's sane, everyon goes insne when they click on this FF! :snake: But yes you are the least insane :D

Yay it's up! As Colin said, Can's pesonal life has been trying and also Harrysbabe hasn't been around much :wub: so it''s up to me and Colin (who does and enourmous amount of work towards this FF *thankyou*) to carry on!
But don't worry, we're not going anywhere! Stay tuned for more! (from me!)

Queen Jess (away in exile *glares at DLC* :P )

you are my sweetest downfall. <3

Colin Xavier

Colin Xavier

    Star Trek Fan

  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,323 posts
  • Location:StarFleet Headquarters
ClosetHPF: You know that Jedi that opened Can to the Force way back in "Quest of Jess" well that guy was Qui Gon Jinn. Seems that he doesn't learn even after he calms down to the Wise man we saw in "Star Wars 1" and brings Anakin to the Jedi Council :snake:

My Fanfic
Harry Potter and the Spell of Alpha and Omega

Quartet Productions Present -Harry Potter and the Quest of Jess!
The Continuing Adventures of Dark Lord Can - A Sequal to 'The Quest of Jess!'
Written by Colin Xavier, Can, Jess and Harrysbabe!

Harry Potter and the Saviour of the Universe Completed




  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPip
  • 236 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Houston, Texas, USA
  • I am a:Wizard
  • House:Hufflepuff
Good chapter (especially the part with me in it, lol)

Hologram Harrypotterfan4ever: And what are you going to do about DLC?

Yoda: We will carry out the most ancient and frequently used remedy for this

Hologram Harrypotterfan4ever: What will the Jedi Council do?

Yoda: Ignore it, we will.


I can't wait to see what happens next!

I will post a full character background for harrypotterfan4ever soon, for future references.




  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 2,022 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Chester, UK
  • I am a:Witch
  • House:Ravenclaw
Great update. I particularly liked

Draco: Er... Boo?

Rita Skeeter: AAAAAHHHHHHH!! *Runs out through doors*


Stuart: Answer me, or I'll flee in terror!

Jedis: *Remain silent*

Stuart: I warned you! *Flees*

:) Keep up the good work Colin and Jess.



    .:Dark Lord of the Snitch:.

  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,647 posts
  • Location:Emperor's Chamber, The Snitch Empire
Okay, so it feels weird posting a review for a story I'm co-writing. I see you guys got chapter two up during my time away from the Snitch, and I feel strongly compelled to say something about it.

I can't believe what you guys have done! Jedi's?? Sand-Shoe prophecy???

It's GREAT! Way better than what I'd planned out for it. Honestly, needed a good laugh right now. I need to know what happens in the next chapter! Can't keep me in the dark forever! *Pokes Colin and Jess*

P.S. Oh, and I'm completely satisfied with the portrayal of DLC in this chapter *Evil, evil, contended, dark lordish grin*

<center>Quartet Productions Present -Harry Potter and the Quest of Jess!
The Continuing Adventures of Dark Lord Can - A Sequal to 'The Quest of Jess!'
Written by Colin Xavier, Can, Jess and Harrysbabe!




  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 4,433 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:England
  • I am a:Witch
  • House:Gryffindor
Glad you liked it Can! And welcome back to the team! Sent you my chapter I'm writing at the moment!!

More insanity coming this way.....again...

you are my sweetest downfall. <3

Colin Xavier

Colin Xavier

    Star Trek Fan

  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,323 posts
  • Location:StarFleet Headquarters
Chapter Three: An Interview with a Dark Lord

Written and Directed by: Jess

Spacing and Italics by: Can

Posted by: Colin Xavier "This is a team effort you know"

Rita Skeeter sits patiently', filing her nails in the new interviewing section of the Snitch, waiting. Her photographer is setting up the room. With a loud BANG! Dark Lord Can appears from the smoke.

Can: *coughing* what did I say about smoke? *Shouting* I SAID NO SMOKE! It makes me smell horrible and ruins my mysterious appearance!

Rita Skeeter: Dark Lord can?

Can: *irritably* yes? What do you want?

Rita Skeeter: Just a few questions, for my readers. To get to know *spells out words in the air* The real Can, Dark Lord of the Snitch' shall we say?

Can: *interested* Oh yes?

Rita: How about a couple of pictures for us before we begin? *Calls* Photographer! *Claps hands*

Photo man: Pleasure to meet you Dark Lord Can, come on, and give me your evilest grin yet!

Irritated by the photographer, Can scowls at him and heads towards him with her lightsaber, ready to kill.

Photo man:*taking snaps of Can* Oh that's gorgeous, really evil! The camera loves you baby!

Can: You remind me of someone-.

Stuart: *with a flash he appears, carrying a camera* Me?

Can: *swings Lightsaber threateningly at Stuart*

Stuart: *Dismissively* Oh please! *goes poof*

With one swing of the lightsaber, the Photographer is on the floor wriggling,. Can moves back towards Rita Skeeter, calm again.

Rita Skeeter: Never mind that now, let's get down to the interview.

Can: ONLY a few questions! Then you leave me for ever! Got it?

Rita Skeeter: *rolls eyes*

Rita Skeeter gets out her Quick Quotes Quill' and it springs to life scribbling on a piece of parchment.

Rita Skeeter: *talking to the quill* Rita Skeeter, 40, gorgeous blonde is back in action. She is here to interview the-.*stuck for words*

Can: *finishing her sentence* Talented, Popular and most evil Dark Lord Can'. *evil dark-lordish laughter*

Rita Skeeter: *raises an eyebrow* Let's get down to the questions shall we? So, a little bit of background for our readers Can, What do you think of your earlier sweet chica days?

Can: *Lightsaber goes zing!* Ask me another question like that and you die! Get it?

Rita Skeeter: *Cowers and stares frightened at lightsaber* Get it! Moving swiftly on-. Do you think that the Snitch has benefited from your leadership and how do you think it compares to the reign of Queen Jess?

Can: *more evil, dark lord-ish laugh* Since my perfect defeat over the meer mortal Jess, the Snitch has become a powerful, positive, brilliant and driving force. And as for Queen Jess, the snitch was crumbling under her leadership, she was weak. If Jess is reading this right now, she should be afraid, very afraid * even more dark lord-ish laughter*.

Rita Skeeter: *excited* This is exactly what my readers want! This'll show the stupid Daily prophet who's the best writer in the whole world-.*cough from Can* I mean-er this'll show the Daily prophet how powerful, gorgeous and evil you are.

Can: *smiles sweetly* That's better-.

Rita Skeeter: How is the Snitch still a nice and lovely place even after your takeover?

Can: We are in the process of reforming, already you will see a more mean and selfish atmosphere

Rita Skeeter: So does that....

Door bangs open

Bellafaerie: Hello Can! *Throws Confetti*

Fairies: *Fly in, throws pixie dust*

Can: What the? What is going....

Marymacbeth: *Walks in* Happy Birthday Can! Heres a chocolate zucchini cake and rocky road ice cream delight! *Winks* It's my speciality!

Rita Skeeter: *raises eyebrow*

Can: Ooooh Cake!

All: We know you have an interview so we stay but we just wanted to wish you-.

Can: Thanks guys, you are all lovely people

All: *Leaves*

Rita Skeeter: *raises other eyebrow* that was an example of your new "Mean and Selfish" atmosphere?

Can: *picking pixie dust out of hair* Of course it is, see this cake? Well, you don't get any! *scoffs cake*

Rita Skeeter: *eyebrows too far up the forehead to see* Err... Okay. Moving right along... So Can, I always thought you and Jess were good friends, what happened?

Can: good f-*spits* GOOD FRIENDS? *Swings lightsaber!* Listen lady! No more wise cracks about my *flashback* Sweet Chica days-.

Rita Skeeter: *ducks lightsaber* And do you have any idea where Queen Jess is?

Can: In exile where she belongs. As to the exact location of Jess, well I've got my mods on it. We'll find her and keep tabs on her. She wont even be able to go to the ice-cream shop without someone from the snitch watching.

Rita Skeeter: Ice-cream shop?

Photo man: *jumps up from the floor* what's that about ice-cream? I like ice-cream!

Can: *evil eyes* I thought I'd killed you?

Photo man: Can I have an ice cream first?

(Authors Notes – Colin: Jess! No more about icecream! *pokes Jess* Get on with the plot!
Jess: *licks ice cream innocently*)

Can: Enough about ice-cream already *lightsaber goes zing*

Photo man: *goes off wriggling*

Can: So where were we?

Rita Skeeter: something about ice cream-.

Can: *rolls eyes*

Rita Skeeter: We here that you are re-vamping the Snitch. Our readers and I'm sure your members would like to know about the new look'

Can: *smugly* Put it this way-. there'll be a lot less life sized portraits of Sergeant Potty and his fancie-pants club band' along with the endless piles of love letters to "Saint Harry". Let's just say that Harrysbabe buried herself in one of those towering piles of letters once and we didn't see her for a long time-.a very long time. Anyway. Be prepared for a huge change.

Kerry Radcliffe: *drops into the Snitch* There are love letters to Harry? Where? WHERE? *takes out paper shredder* There's only one person that belongs to Harry and that's me. Nobody's going to get in my way!

Can: Wrong section Kerry!

Kerry: *embarrassed* Sorry I get a bit over excited when it comes to *sighs* Harry

Angel: *walks in looking important with army of penguins behind her* Ok I'm moving this topic Kerry, belongs in Lover's of the one and only, adorable, scrumptious Harry' topic, be a bit careful where you say things next time. Topics merged into one.

Can: Thanks Angel. *shakes head and rolls eyes* We have got to review the names of some of those topics.

Angel: I'll get the mods on it straight away. *addresses penguins* take her away boys.

Penguins: Yes ma'am. *Bows to Angel*

Penguin 1: Penguins forward! Quick march! Left right, left right-.

Penguins march military style with Kerry to Lover's of the one and only, adorable, scrumptious Harry' topic. They seem to be singing the great escape on the comb and paper.

Angel: *goes poof*

Rita Skeeter: *confused*

Can: We have brilliant mods, as you can see. And the penguins-Well they're even better!

Rita Skeeter: *endless roles of eyes* I'm starting to wonder why I decided to write this article.

*Embarrassed silence*

Rita Skeeter: *trying to think of another question* Isn't what you are doing a violation of International and Local laws?

Can: That is not a fair question, I demand my right to a lawyer

Rita Skeeter: This is only an interview you don't need....

ClosetHPF: *Walks in* You called?

Can: Yes, *To Rita Skeeter* You may continue

Rita Skeeter: Very well, Isn't what you are doing a violation of International and Local laws?

Can: *To ClosetHPF* Answer her

ClosetHPF: *To Rita Skeeter* Yes they are.

Can: *Glares* Get out of here!

ClosetHPF: *Leaves*

Rita Skeeter: A certain Snitcher "Roderick" has been critical of your rule. Care to respond?

Can: Angel! Get over here.

Angel: *comes back in*

Can: *Whispers to Angel* *To Rita Skeeter* Could you wait for five minutes?

Rita Skeeter: Er... sure.

Angel: *Leaves*

Five Minutes later

Can: Okay, continue

Rita Skeeter: A certain Snitcher "Roderick" has been critical of your rule. Care to respond?

Can: I'm sorry, we have no snitcher by that name here.

Angel: *shouts* Not any more we don't anyway!

Can: Subtle, real subtle.

Angel *leaves to give her beloved penguins a bubble bath*?

Penguins: *float by on gigantic bubbles*

Rita Skeeter: So what is your ultimate plan for the Snitch?

Can: World Domination!

Rita Skeeter: Really? How?

Can: That's top secret!

Rita Skeeter: What is?

Can: You see, we are creating a genetic modifying cloning machine to create millions of Wolf-Troopers and we're also creating a Death-Sat, short for Death-Satellite, which will orbit the Earth, destroying whole countries who do not obey my command.

Rita Skeeter: Excellent! Excellent! *Scribbles on parchment*

Can: Oops! I shouldn't have told you that.

Rita Skeeter: Shall we continue about the World Domination?

Can: Er... *yawns* O.k Can is bored now. I've got an empire to run. *to Rita Skeeter* Leave me Forever, I'm fed up of you-

Rita Skeeter: *leaves giving rude gestures to Can behind her back*

Can: *Leaves Snitch Interview Room*

Wolf: I want to show you something.

Can: Not right now, I'm busy.

Wolf: Doing what?

Can: *Wonders* Oh, all right.

Stuart: *Appears* Is she gone?

Can: She's leaving

Stuart: Oh good! Wait until that photographer hears about Bill and Fleur!

Can: I tried to kill the guy,

Stuart: You what! After all my careful planning and devious work to make him miserable you try to...

Can: It didn't work! He's alive.

Stuart: He defies the law of nature now?! I must complain! Where's ClosetHPF?

ClosetHPF: What do you want?

Stuart: I need the Photographers union phone number

Penguin: *Goes flying by in a big bubble*

Draco: *Pops head through a wall* Isn't that the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen?

Angel: That does it! No more bubble baths!

Stuart: *Dialing the photographers union*

Photograpers Union: *Cool female voice* Welcome to the PU. To file a complaint please press one. To file a complaint that your complaint hasn't been heard please press two. To speak to a live person please press three. To speak to a dead person, please press four...

Stuart: This is going to take awhile.

Can: Oh lord! What's else is going to happen now *Enters Throne Room*

All: *Shocked*

Harry: Greetings my wonderful fans!

Harrysbabe: We're getting married!

Here endeth the Chapter




  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPip
  • 529 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Rhode Island
  • I am a:Wizard
  • House:Gryffindor
This story is the best ever, I haven't read the first one, but either way this is my favorite story of all time. It's hilarious. :) :) :P

PS: I'd be honored to be put in the story. Whatever you do with me, it's fine with me. :P :D





  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 2,022 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Chester, UK
  • I am a:Witch
  • House:Ravenclaw
Harry's here!! Harry's here!! Harry's here!!

*falls over from over-excitement*

I loved the penguins in bubbles as well B)

Colin Xavier

Colin Xavier

    Star Trek Fan

  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,323 posts
  • Location:StarFleet Headquarters
Merlin321: You want to be in the story? done. See you in the next chapter

Hollycat: Tell us what you think of Harry's character assassination

Authors note:

Can: *Tone of a Queen* To all of those who eagerly awaited my writing in chapter two, I just like to say, Dahlings, get over it! Now, read and marvel at the fantastic brilliance, the absolutely ingenious writing by me and only me, just me. Oh, and a little bit help from Colin. I'd also like to thank Jess, for inflating my already overinflated ego. *Huggles both Jess and Colin and then threatens them with bodily injury and harm*

Colin Xavier: Okay, that was Can, doing her best Queen Jess impersonation. Now that thats out of the way, I just like to say that you guys wont believe the direction we're taking this story in. Just sit back, and enjoy the ride. And if you don't? Well then, you're just being mean and making us cry.

Chapter Four: The Wedding

Written by: Can and Colin Xavier

Snitch Throne Room:

All: *Stares*

Can: You're what!

Harrysbabe: Getting married! *Hugging Harry obsessively*

Harry: *Extremely positive* Wide-eyed, big wide grin* Look at you all! What a fantastic entrance!

Can: You're getting married. So what? How does that concern me?

Harrysbabe: We're getting married here, in the Snitch!

Can: Oh

Harry: Yes! isn't it magnificent! *Goes and hugs Can*

Can: *Throws Harry off*

Harry: *On the floor* Wow! What a magnificent way to throw someone off!

Stuart: *Whispers to Draco* This is the boy who foils Voldemort's every move?

Draco: Yeah you know, I've been saying.

Harry: Draco! Beloved ol' enemy *Goes to hug Draco and goes right through him*

Draco: So glad I'm a ghost right now

Harry: Draco's dead! Will the blessings ever end! Harrysbabe! Do the introductions.

Harrysbabe: Well, this is Can, our resident sweet chica....

Can: *Lightsaber goes zing!*

Harry: Wow! what a fantastic instrument to kill people.

Harrysbabe: This is Angel, a fantastic mod here!

Angel: Mod! I'm no mod.....

Harrysbabe: *Ignoring Angel* This is Stuart, our photo-loving Dutch!

Stuart: How do you do. The title is not currently active. But nonetheless, how do you do?

Harrysbabe: This is Wolf, our resident intellectual, oh, and who seems to be a doctor right now.

Wolf: *Proudly* Ah, you have no idea. Have you met my specimen?

ClosetHPF: I am not your specimen!

Wolf: Yes, yes, whatever you say. *Pets ClosetHPF's head* He likes to think he's independent.

ClosetHPF: Touch me again and you can kiss your medical malpractice' license goodbye!

Wolf: Ah, the pupil is trying to surpass the master *Sniff* I'm so proud.

Harry: So this is the team, wow! You guys ooze confidence into the very air *Breaths air* I smell power.... and cake!

Marymcbeth: *Pops head in* Oh Can, the gigantic cake has just come out of the Snitch Gigantic Oven' (Authors note: Yes! The Snitch has a Gigantic Oven. We warned you guys about this. The Snitch has everything! Now stop those rolling eyes!)

Harry: Yes! Yes people! Cake, is a celebration of life! *Claps hands* Lets go celebrate. Draco, you coming?

Draco: Hello? Ghost here.

Harry: *Gleefully* More for me! *Runs out doors*

Harrysbabe: Silly Harry, he always finishes any cake he sees nowadays

Wolf: Not if we can stop him. Fellow Snitcher's, charge!

Everyone runs out, leaving Can, Draco and Harrysbabe alone.

Can: Is that the dark, brooding Harry, we all know and hate?

Harrysbabe: No, ever since we've been together, he's turned into a wonderful uber-positive person!

Draco: As if he wasn't insufferable enough.

Harrysbabe: So where's Jess and Colin?

Can: You really don't know?

Harrysbabe: know what?

Can: I am the Dark Lord of the Snitch!

Harrysbabe: Noooo, you're a sweet chica.

Can: *Fumes*

Draco: *Warningly* You have to stop saying that.

Harrysbabe: So you really are Dark Lord and leader of this place?

Can: I am.

Harrysbabe: So where are the others?

Can: Jess is away in exile and so are the members of the Snitch Order. They are now enemies of the new Snitch Empire!

Harrysbabe: What about Colin?

Can: He's a Star Trek fan! I hate Star Trek!

Harrysbabe: Wow, things have changed.

Can: Indeed, now that you see how evil we have become. You can take away Harry and leave this place.

Draco: And quickly

Harrysbabe: Of course not! Now that you're leader you can help me with the wedding!

Can: Oh for....

Harry: *Returns* Harrysbabe!

Harrysbabe: Oh Harry, here I am!

Harry: *Runs and hugs Harrysbabe* Oh Harrysbabe! I missed you!

Harrysbabe: I missed you too!

Harry: Let us never part again! *Kisses Harrysbabe passionately*

Can: Oh, all right you guys, stop.

Harry: *Picks up Harrysbabe and places her on the new table while continuing to kiss passionately*

Can and Draco: Oh no no no! I don't wanna see that! *Leaves*

In a galaxy, far far away:

Droid: Its a hologram from Jedi Master Harrypotterfanforever

Yoda: Very well, hear it we shall.

Harrypotterfanforever: You must do something about Dark Lord Can!

Yoda: Decided, the council has.

Mace Windu: Yes, and its the right decision. Because we made it.

Harrypotterfanforever: Its the wrong decision! Can could still destroy the Republic!

Yoda: How?

Harrypotterfanforever: She ... she could ... she could get her hand on the Spell of Alpha and Omega!

Jedi Council: The what?

Harrypotterfanforever: Oops, sorry! Wrong fanfic.

Yoda: Poses no danger, Can does.

Harrypotterfanforever: But she has fallen to the Dark Side!

Mace Windu: The Dark Side isn't so bad...

Jedi Council: *Shocked*

Mace Windu: Er ..... So I hear.

Harrypotterfanforever: But.. but

Yoda: Decided, this matter has.

Harrypotterfanforever: She's she's killed people! And she's plotting to enslave billions!

Yoda: Goodbye, Harrypotterfanforever.

Harrypotterfanforever: She doesn't like little green men!

Yoda: *Furrowed brow*

Mace Windu: Master Yoda?

Yoda: Can must be stopped! Get the war machines! Get a trans-hyperspace vessel! Get our offensive battle plans out! We are at WAR!

Back home:

Harry: That statue is... magnificent! What a handsome chap! Those eyes, that face, the nose.....

Stuart: That's you!

Harry: *Looks closer* Why... I'm handsome!

Later, Snitch Medical Bay:

Wolf: Behold! The Snitch Cloning Device!

All: *Claps*

Wolf: Thank you, thank you.

ClosetHPF: Hey! What about me? I deserve some applause too.

Stuart: And me too. I designed the look after all.

Can: You'll all get your egos boosted later. Tell me how this works?

The Snitch Cloning Device lies before them. Two separate chambers connected to each other. One chamber is where the person stands and the other is where the clone is created.

Wolf: You see, I have inserted a powerful chip within this device that can modify genetic make-up of the clone.

Can: What does that mean?

Wolf: Mindless zombies that do your bidding, sire.

Can: I'm very pleased. Continue.

Wolf: We will be able to create whole armies within days. All I need is a willing or unwilling volunteer to test it.

Can: Any volunteers?

All: *Dead silence*

Can: Alright Wolf. I volunteer you.

Wolf: Splendid! Er... What?

Can: ClosetHPF, Stuart, take him in.

ClosetHPF and Stuart: With Pleasure! *Haul Wolf into the chamber*

Wolf: *Struggling* I protest this! Let me out of here!

Can: Don't worry Wolfie, I'm sure it's not going to hurt.

Wolf: I specifically designed it so that it WILL hurt!

Can: Whatever. *Switches ON' button*

Wolf: *Yells* Ow!

Second chamber: *Cloned Wolf appears*

Can: *Switches machine off*

Wolf: *Still in chamber* You... you!

Can: Oh, come off it! Now tell me about this guy?

Wolf: He's a mindless zombie that'll take your orders. What else is there to know?

Can: *To Cloned Wolf* Dance the hula.

Cloned Wolf: *Comes Out* *Dances the hula*

Stuart: Ugh! Make it stop.

Can: *To Wolf* Create more of these. Stuart, do you have the uniforms ready?

Stuart: Yes, o evil one.

Can: Marvelous, marvelous *Evil dark lordish laugh* Mu ha ha!

Harry: *Walks in* Wow! What a huge and fantastic instrument of World Domina..... Oooooh, what does this button do?

Wolf: NO! Don't press.... *Yells* Ow!

Area 51:

Delivery Boy: *Delivers Top-Secret package to two Top-Secret scientists* By the way, do aliens exist?

Scientist One: What're you a geek? Of course not.

Scientist Two: Stupid simpletons.

Delivery Boy: All right, already *Leaves*

Scientist One: I will now open this package.

Scientist Two: Be careful.

Scientist One: *Opens the package* Emergency!

Scientist Two: What, what?

Scientist One: These donuts are sugar-coated! I wanted chocolate!

Scientist Two: This is an outrage! I will order an investigation!

Mace Windu: *Appears out of nowhere* Greetings! Earthlings, I am an alien from.....

Scientists: Not now! We're busy!

Snitch Corridor:

Penguin goes flying by in a bubble

Harry: Isn't that the greatest thing you've ever seen?!

Stuart: You're weird.

Rita Skeeter: Hi Harry!

Photographer: *Sneers at Stuart*

Stuart: *Sneers back* What are you two doing back here?

Rita Skeeter: Can said 'Leave her' she said nothing about covering a Wedding.

Photographer: And I'll be doing the photos *Serious* If they're worthy.

Snitch Conference Room:

Harrysbabe: This is a list of things I want for the Wedding *Hands Angel a three foot long list*

Angel: Goodness! Is there anything you don't want?

Harrysbabe: Keep Kerry away.

Empty Corridor:

Draco is walking along when suddenly the lights go off descending him into total darkness

Draco: *Loud voice* Oh my! Look! The lights are off. Somebody trying to scare little old me?


Draco: Hello? Ghost here. Pretty much invented afraid of the dark.

Yet to be named guy: *Wearing a cloak that obscures his face* *Appears in front of Draco*

Draco: *Mock tone* Oh look! Its the Grim Reaper, come to take my soul into the fiery depths of hell

Yet to be named guy: *Hoarse Voice* Draco

Draco: *Dead Serious* Oh god! You aren't really him are you? Listen, I was only kidding....

Disco balls erupt in the air! 70's music blares from all sides! And Yet to be named guy throws away his cloak and starts dancing.

Draco: Okay, didn't see that coming.

Yet to be named guy: *Starts singing*

Draco: All right! Stop it!

Yet to be named guy: *Hoarse Voice* Draco *Lightning Strikes* I am... your father.

Area 51:

Scientist One: *On the Phone* What do you mean I'm sorry? I demand a better apology! Stuff it??? What kind of...... he hung up!

Scientist Two: *On another phone* Research? I need the number of the manager of the donut shop, fast!

Scientist: One: *Dials manager* Hello, Manager! I wanted chocolate...

Mace Windu: Oh for! *Uses the Force* *The Donuts turn Chocolate*

Scientist One: *Looks at the donuts* That was fast.

Mace Windu: *Lightsaber goes Zing*

Scientist One: *Now holding a destroyed phone*

Mace Windu: *Thunderous voice* Now! You will listen!

Scientists: *Cower in fear* Yes, yes. Of course.

Mace Windu: I am an alien from a galaxy far far away.

Scientist One: No you're not.

Mace Windu: Eh?

Scientist Two: You're human!

Mace Windu: *Slaps head* Darn it! *Goes poof*

Empty Corridor:

Draco: Er... what?

Yet to be named Guy: Now wasn't that a fantastic line? From the movie "Empire Strikes Back?"

Draco: Huh?

Yet to be named Guy: See, I'm Future Guy. So I know what will happen in the future, hence I know what will happen today and I know all the crummy lines these idiotic writers gave me! It's appalling! I deserve some great lines like the one 'Darth Vader" got. Don't I?

Draco: Who the hell are you?!

Future Guy: Oh didn't I tell you?

Draco: Tell me what?

Future Guy: See, I work for a select group in the future. A future where Time-Travel is normal. My group is called the "Temporal Observers" and we make sure that nobody goes back in time to mess up the timeline.

Draco: And this concerns me how?

Future Guy: *Lightning Strikes* Draco, the future is in peril! The Timeline has been changed and it will lead to the destruction of us all! The threat must be eliminated! And you, Draco are the one which will save time!

Draco: Save time? How?

Future Guy: You must stop the wedding!

Area 51:

Yoda: *Poof, Appears*

Scientist Two: A little green man!

Scientist One: Ah, now THIS, is an alien.

Yoda: *Menacing* You have a problem with little green men?!

Scientists: Oh, no no.

Yoda: Well then. Hear me, you will

Empty Corridor:

Draco: Stop the wedding *Laughs* That's a good one.

Future Guy: But you must!

Draco: Hello? Ghost here. Can't do anything.

Future Guy: But you have to! It says so in the script! *Shoves script under Draco's nose*

Draco: Right, what else does that script say?

Future Guy: *Reads script*"Future Guy will randomly burst into proclaiming, dancing, singing and rambling, accompanied by magical music and disco lights" Bloody crummy writers.

Draco: Whatever, theres nothing I can do for you. *Walks away*

Future Guy: *Snaps Fingers*

Draco finds himself in the stands of the professional Quidditch Pitch. Down below in the field are Dumbledore and Harry, both fighting against each other.

Draco: Dumbledore and Harry? Fighting?

Future Guy: *Disco lights and music start blaring out of nowhere. Special effects flash everywhere!* This is what will happen if Harry gets married to Harrysbabe. Harry will become the DARK LORD

Draco: *looks over the railings at the battle below*

Future Guy: *Music blares even more. More special effects start flashing and the music gets louder*

[Down Below]

Dumbledore and Dark Lord Harry have pulled up chairs got some popcorn, and are watching the show above

Dumbledore: Nice presentation, but too much special affects

Dark Lord Harry: Yeah *Takes some popcorn from the box on Dumbledore's lap* Who's in charge of this show? George Lucas?

Dumbledore: No, you killed him.

Dark Lord Harry: *Thinks* Oh, yeah. Hard to keep up.

Dumbledore: Why did you kill him anyway?

Dark Lord Harry: Stupid fellow, came right up to me in the middle of my Darkness rules concert, shouting "Return to the Light! Reject the Dark Side! ..........."

Dumbledore: That is very annoying.

Dark Lord Harry: Tell me about it.

Dark Lord Harry reaches out for more popcorn as the weird Future Guy is in the middle of a haze of blue and green smoke shouting "THE TEMPORAL TIME ALLIANCE HAS DECREED THAT THIS IS NOT WHAT HAS HAPPENED (please ignore what is happening right in front of you) THE TIMELINES! THE ANOMALIES! THE COLOR OF TONK'S HAIR! THE STRANGE SUBSTANCE IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR TOES! ..........."

Dark Lord Harry reaches out for even more popcorn but Dumbledore pulls the box away.

Dumbledore: No! you've had enough! You must take care of your teeth!

Dark Lord Harry: There you go again! What makes you think that you own me anymore? I am no longer under your roof, Voldemort is no more! You don't protect me anymore! And besides what about YOUR teeth? *A self-righteous grin on his face*

Dumbledore gets up in a very proud demeanor

Dumbledore: I, Albus Perciv...... *Dark Lord Harry falls asleep while waiting for Dumbledore to finish his name. Dumbledore finishes and shakes Dark Lord Harry awake * am the most powerful wizard of the age. I can magically clean my teeth while you can.... er....... heh, heh.

Dark Lord Harry: What! *Stands up with chest fully out!* You dare mock Powerful me?!!

Dumbledore falls to the floor laughing

Dark Lord Harry: That's it! *Pulls out wand*

They both start dueling again

[Up Above]

Draco: What the hell? What's going on?

Future Guy: This is the future! A future where Voldemort killed Harrysbabe when targeting Harry who in a fit of rage killed Voldemort. Then as his beloved died in his arms, he fell to the Dark Side and became the Dark Lord. He swore to get power to stop the people he loved from dying anymore. *Sniffs*

Draco: *Shocked face*

Future Guy: *Sniffs again* Yes, sad isn't it?

Draco: But... but *Whiny voice* Voldemort is supposed to be the Dark Lord! *Turns to Future Guy* I'll help! I'll help!

Future Guy: Good good! Remember, you have to stop the wedding.

Draco: Fine, I'm sure I'll have enough ........

Future Guy: *Snaps Fingers*

Snitch Conference Room:

Angel: Here comes the bride!

Draco: ... time to stop it........

Every single active member of The Snitch is sitting on specially created benches in the large room. Stuart is walking a beaming Harrysbabe down the aisle. At the end of the aisle is Harry, Can, Angel, Wolf, ClosetHPF and a Minister against the backdrop of a gigantic picture of Harry which serves as the altar

The Snitch Band: *Starts playing the Wedding March*

Can: Uh Hem

The Snitch Band: *Starts playing the Empire's March* (Note: Darth Vader/Empire tune from Star Wars)

Draco: Oh heck! What am I going to do?!

Stuart: *Reaches the 'Altar' and Gives Harrysbabe away*

Minister: We are gathered here today, to join one man and one woman in holy matrim.....

Harrysbabe: Hurry Up!

Minister: Uh..... If anybody has an objection, let them speak now or forever hold their tongue.

Draco: I object!

All: *Stares at Draco*

Harry: Don't worry, it's Draco. We can ignore him.

Minister: And your objection would be.....?

Harry: What did I just say?

Draco: Er.......... Harrysbabe is too beautiful too lovely and too marvelous to fall for a nerd like Harry, She deserves better!

Harrysbabe: Really? Like who?

Harry: Harrysbabe?

Harrysbabe: Quiet, dear.

Draco: Er......... Wolf!

Harrysbabe: Him? You've got to be kidding, he's too evil, sadistic and cruel! No offense, Wolf.

Wolf: None taken.

Draco: Er.... ClosetHPF!

Harrysbabe: *Starts Laughing*

ClosetHPF: What? I'm going to be rich soon and would be able to shower you with things beyond your wildest dreams.

Harrysbabe: *Stares at ClosetHPF*

Harry: Harrysbabe!

Harrysbabe: Huh? Oh right! Forget it Draco *To Minister* Continue...

Minister: If anybody else has an objection?

Kerry Radcliffe: I do! *Walks down the Aisle*

Harrysbabe: Oh Crap!

Kerry Radcliffe: He's mine! Get away from him!

Harrysbabe: He's yours? Then why do I have his ring on my finger? *Mocks wonder*

Kerry Radcliffe: Arrrgh! *Attacks Harrysbabe*

Harrysbabe: *Fights Back*

Harry: Isn't that the greatest catfight you've ever seen?!

Stuart: It sure is! *To Photographer* Get a lot of photos!

Photographer: Oh please.....

Stuart: You not taking photos?!!

Photographer: Of course not.

Stuart: Give me that camera!!! *Attacks Photographer*

Wolf: Such mindless violence. Me and my specimen prefer the controlled and systematic kind.

ClosetHPF: I am not your specimen!!! *Attacks Wolf*

Angel: Stop! This is still PG-13! You all have to ........ *Wolf blindly sends a punch at Angel who goes flying towards the benches*

Snitcher 1: Watch it!

Snitcher 2: You watch it!

Snitcher 1: *Attacks other Snitcher*

All: *Descends into chaos*

Draco: Mission accomplished!

Can: All right! Stop it or heads will literally roll! *Lightsaber goes zing!* You there, back on the benches! Stuart, let go off the camera! Harry stop that grin! ClosetHPF! Get off Wolf now! Let's get this show on the road.

Draco: Oh oh.

Stuart: Er.... Can?

Can: *Swings Lightsaber* What now?

Stuart: The Minister is knocked out.

Can: Darn! Wolf fix him!

Wolf: With pleasure!

Can: Er... on second thought, forget it. Who wants to play the role of the minister?

Draco: *Puts hand up in air and jumps up and down* Ooh, ooh, I do, I do, *Runs to the altar*

Can: Oookay.

Draco: Do you Harrysbabe, swear to put your life in mortal danger, until you die a very gruesome death at the hands of Lord Voldemort?

Harrysbabe: *Dreamily* I do!

Draco: Erm...... right. Do you Harry, swear to bow down before Voldemort, call him master and do as he commands you for the rest of your very short life, as he raises his wand at you?

Harry: *Dreamily* I do! .... Hey wait, No I don't!

Harrysbabe: You don't?! *Smacks Harry*

Harry: Ow!

Harrysbabe: I knew you never really wanted to get married! You.... you... bad person! *Storms out*

Harry: But, but, Harrysbabe! *Runs after her*

Draco: Now, mission accomplished!

Can: Stuart, go after them. Do some pre-marriage counseling.

Stuart: At once! *Runs after them*

Can: Wolf, ClosetHPF, go and find a minister. A real one, if you can.

Draco: *To Can* You really hate me, don't you?

ClosetHPF: Fine. *Walks towards the exit*

Wolf: *Following* You know, your left jab is really weak. I could 'probably' fix that.

ClosetHPF: You will never touch me again!

Wolf: *Pokes ClosetHPF* What are you going to do about it *Pokes again*

Can: Angel, get this minister out of here.

Draco: They were leaving! Why are you trying to bring them back?

Can: I know Harrysbabe. If she doesn't get married today or get some closure, she'll probably come back here, and cry on my shoulders. I cannot let that happen.

Stuart: *Pops head through door* Er... Can?

Can: *Marches towards Stuart* What happened? *Looks out the doors* *Sees Harry and Harrysbabe making out on the floor* *To Stuart* Dam.n your good!

Stuart: No, I didn't do anything.

Draco: Oh Lord! They're like bunnies. And not the cute kind.

Five minutes later

ClosetHPF: *Walks in* We got a minister.

Can: Where is he?

ClosetHPF: Wolf is bringing him now.

Wolf: *Enters, dragging some guy by the legs*

Some Guy: Okay, okay! I'm a minister! I'm a minister!

Can: *To Harry, Harrysbabe* You two, get into position.

Draco: .....And she will betray you, she will steal your wand, she will lie and say you're fat, she will.....

Harry: *Hands on ears* Blah, blah, blah, I can't hear you.

Minister: Er.. where are my lines?

ClosetHPF: *Hands minister a piece of paper*

Draco: The world is doomed.

Harry and Harrysbabe:* Beaming*

Minister: Do you Harrysbabe, take Harry as your lawfully wedded husband in sickness and in health until death do you apart?

Harrysbabe: I do!

Minister: Do you Harry, take Harrysbabe as your lawfully wedded wife in sickness and in health until death do you apart?

Harry: I .....

Doors: *Bang open*

MIB dum dums: *Storm in* Go go go! *Run all over the room madly, while doing stealth and than screaming at the top of their voices. Looking around them, while doing strange acrobatics meant to impress...... no one.*

Can: What?!

Angel: What are you guys doing here?

MIB 1: Hmm.... What ARE we doing here?

MIB 2: We're looking for this guy *Waves picture of Harry* Have any of you seen him?

All: *Stares*

MIB 1: *Points* There he is!

MIB: *Does strange acrobatics again. And manage to (somehow) surround themselves around Harry*

Angel: Hey, what is this about you guys?

MIB 1: *To Harry* Did you honestly think that Dumbledore would never remember that you do not have any family! He now wants you back.

Harry: Oh he does, does he. *Crosses arms* I'm not going anywhere. And you can't make me.

MIB: *Picks Harry up into the air* We say you will! *Runs towards doors*

Can: This is vaguely familiar.

Harry: Harrysbabe!

Harrysbabe: Harry, I'll fight for you. I'll try to break inside Hogwarts..... again!

Stuart: MIB, jumping and doing crazy acrobatics; Dumbledore, forgetting Harry doesn't have a family! MIB, picking Harry up and then taking him away; Harrysbabe, running after them. *Clutches head* Too many jokes! Must breathe. Aahhhhhh! *Runs out through doors*

Draco: *Silently walks through wall*

Wolf: *Pokes ClosetHPF again*

ClosetHPF: Stop it!

Wolf: Or you'll what? *Pokes again*

Angel: Alright. Show's over! Mods, get these people out of here.

Rita Skeeter: That was magnificent! I shall leave now. *Leaves*

Photographer: That was almost worthy of my camera....... but not quite. *Leaves as well*

Can: *Looks around and sighs* Yep, this is what I'm going to use to take over the world. Maybe I should think this over....... Nah!

Beyond the wall:

Draco: *Walking around the empty corridor*

Future Guy: *Poof appears* You've done well.

Draco: Right. I'm ready to get my body back now.

Future Guy: Er.. what?

Draco: Helping the Snitch, the Sand-Shoe prophecy?

Future Guy: Oh, *Waves his hand* Thats something else entirely!

Draco: What?

Future Guy: Goodbye!

Draco: Hey wait!

Future Guy: *Goes Poof*

Draco: *Shocked face, then after a few seconds he starts to walk, all the while mumbling...* I hate this place, I hate this place....


CIA Headquarters:

US President: *On the Big TV screen* Iran is not listening to me! North Korea is not listening to me! My own people are not listening to me! *Bangs hand on table* My dog is not listening to me!

CIA Director: Yes, Mr. President.

US President: I need to do something to get back in people's good graces. Give me some new evil to eradicate!

CIA Director: At once Mr. President! Can you give us five minutes?

US President: *Serious no-nonsense face* I'll give you six! *Big TV screen goes off*

CIA Director: *To his aide* Quick! I need some intelligence on some evil in this world, now!

Aide: Er.. we could go and look in the garbage like last time?

CIA Director: You're no help! *Storms out of the room with the Big TV screen, storms out of the department, Storms out of the CIA Headquarters and Storms into an alleyway, while biting his nails* What do I do? What do I do? *Sees a garbage bin* Oh, what the hell! *Dives into the garbage bin and searches frantically* Eh? *Picks up a newspaper* Whats this..... Eureka!

CIA Director: *Runs back inside the room with the Big TV screen* Aide! Look at this!

Aide: It's a newspaper with moving images, so?

CIA Director: Read the headline!

Aide: Oh my! And it's dated today. We can call it 'recent intelligence'.

CIA Director: Fax this to the President at once!

Aide: Why can't we e-mail it?

CIA Director: We don't have any new computers.

Aide: Oh, right. *Faxes the front page*

US President: *On Big TV screen* Your six minutes are up! Or was it seven?

CIA Director: We just sent an important fax. Could you check your fax machine?

US President: Right... My fax machine, hmm.. where is my fax machine? .... hey! We don't have a fax machine! We threw those out when we got computers!

Aide: Is everybody in the world ahead of us?

CIA Director: You have a fax machine. Get up, turn to your left, walk three steps, then turn left again and walk straight with your head up high. Your eyes slightly to the right, you should see a fax machine on a rickety old table, hidden behind a state-of-the-art PC.

US President: you guys have got mighty good intelligence out there.

CIA Director: *Whispers to Aide* Actually I saw it from here.

US President: Got it! Hey, moving images!

CIA Director: State-of-the-art CIA technology sir!

US President: *Points his finger towards them proudly* So good to hear those funds aren't going to waste.

CIA Director: Now, Mr. President. Read the headline.

US President: *Reads from paper* The Weird Sisters have got weirder? *Looks up* So this is the new evil I have to fight huh, good job!

CIA Director: Er.. no sir. Read the other headline.

US President: *Reads from paper* Shocking Exclusive: Dark Lord Can plans to take over the world! Details inside. *Puts the paper on his desk, then looks up solemnly at the two*

CIA Director: Sir?

US President: *Solemnly* My fellow Americans, we are at war!

"Here endeth the Chapter"


Special Mention: A very warm thanks to Angel, for her fabulously created MIB and the Penguin Army. Where would this story be without her? Angel, you're the greatest and our favourite Administrator.




  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 2,022 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Chester, UK
  • I am a:Witch
  • House:Ravenclaw
Harry? Without his angst? Just don't, whatever you do, give him a light saber!

(Although actually I thought he kind of lost it at the end of HBP. His angst that is. Days in the sun, honestly......)

Another great chapter guys. What happened to the Wolf clone(s)?




  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPip
  • 529 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Rhode Island
  • I am a:Wizard
  • House:Gryffindor
That was great. I loved the Us President thing, and the relationship between Harry and Harrysbabe is hilarious. ^_^ :P :lol:

Can't wait to be in the next chapter, just remember, I'm a guy, not a girl. :D





  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 4,433 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:England
  • I am a:Witch
  • House:Gryffindor

Can: *Tone of a Queen* To all of those who eagerly awaited my writing in chapter two, I just like to say, Dahlings, get over it! Now, read and marvel at the fantastic brilliance, the absolutely ingenious writing by me and only me, just me. Oh, and a little bit help from Colin. I'd also like to thank Jess, for inflating my already overinflated ego. *Huggles both Jess and Colin and then threatens them with bodily injury and harm*

*pokes Can* You just wait DAHLING..... B)


Anyway, I'm sorry guys that I haven't been around lately things have been very difficult both personal and school wise. So this is just a quick note to say I'm still breathing... ;)

Colin and Can have been great, I've hardly written anything in this one (just a short chapter) but I'd just like to say thanks to them for keeping the trio going! ;)

you are my sweetest downfall. <3

Colin Xavier

Colin Xavier

    Star Trek Fan

  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,323 posts
  • Location:StarFleet Headquarters
Hollycat: The Wolf Clones was put in a special containment unit that Wolf is now using to create more Wolftroopers. If you still read this story after that last sentence then you are a TRUE DLC fan. Don't give Harry a Lightsaber? *Thinks about doing just that*

Merlin321: We know you're a guy so don't worry. Tell us what you think of your little cameo.

Chapter Five: Destiny

Written by Colin Xavier

Can: *Walking around the Snitch Throne Room*

Angel: *Walks in*

Can: Report.

Angel: Harry has been taken back to Hogwarts and last we heard about Harrysbabe, she's living in the Hogs head and she's planning another break-in.

Can: What about Kerry-Radcliffe?

Angel: She's in the holding cells. What is to be done with her?

Can: I... I don't know.

Draco: *Pops through wall* What? You don't know? You're a Dark Lord! Have her killed or tortured or better yet, send her to Wolf.

Angel: All good options.

Can: No... just let her go.

All: What?

Can: You heard me!

Draco: You are the worst Dark Lord in the history of Dark Lords!

Can: You're only miffed because I'm still leader of Slytherin house!

Draco: Yeah? Well, when I get back to Hogwarts, I'm organizing a recall *leaves through wall*

Can: *Buries face in her hands*

Angel: Oh, you know how Draco is.

Can: What kind of an Evil organization are we?!

Angel: Er... what do you mean?

Can: I mean, we had a wedding! A Wedding! Here yesterday. How does that further our agenda of World domination?

Angel: Didn't you want the wedding to get rid of Harrysbabe?

Can: Yeah ....well, Shut up!

Angel: Ooookay

Can: I'm sorry, ........ No! Wait! I'm not! I'm mean.... I'm the Dark Lord of the Snitch!

Angel: You are! And out there beyond these very walls lies a team that will together take over the world!

Door: *Bangs open*

Stuart: The candy machine is broken. Can we get a repair guy here quick?

Can: *Stares at Stuart* That's what you're concerned about? You....

ClosetHPF: *Walks in* They're a ton of Animal-Rights activists protesting outside.

Can: Protesting? Why?

ClosetHPF: They demand we release the Mad Dogs and fire Wolf.

Can: Oh for, this is so stupid!

Wolf: *Walks in* Hey Can.

Can: All right! What now?! Need to do another Brain surgery! You're torture devices needs some cleaning?! Floor needs polishing?! Oh perhaps you want some cheerleaders to cheer you on when you do surgery?!

Wolf: *Nose up in the air* I just wanted to say that the Death Sat is near completion and if you wanted a tour?

Can: Oh, .....Okay

Wolf: But now I wonder if my valuable services are appreciated around here. I guess I now have to leave, sabotaging all the Wolftroopers and the Death Sat on my way out. By mistake, of course.

Can: No ..... Don't go.

Wolf: Fine, just say the magic words

Can: Wolf!

Wolf: Come on now *Snaps fingers*

Can: *Pulls out hair* I'm Sorry!

Wolf: And.... ?

Can: You are the greatest mad doctor there ever was.

Wolf: Fine, come along now folks. The Elevator is this way *Walks on ahead*

Stuart: Can we focus on the more important issue here? The candy machine?

Can: *Stuffs a ton of Pounds into Stuart's hand* Go out and bye some!

Stuart: Thanks! *Leaves*

The White House:

White House aide: Who the hell are you?

Mace Windu: The Area 51 guys sent us here to see the President.

White House aide: He is in an urgent call with the British Prime Minister. You have to wait.

Mace Windu: We've been waiting for hours now!

Yoda: *Reading the New York Times* Patience, Master Windu. *Hands over a page* Here, do the crossword.

Mace Windu: I don't want to do a crossword. They give me a headache.

Yoda: *Sighs* *Folds the paper and places it on the coffee table* In, we will go.

White House aide: Didn't you hear me? I let you in, I lose my job. Period.

Yoda: *Uses the Force* Let us enter, you shall.

White House aide: But walk right in! Who cares about a stupid job anyway! Or getting fired, or taking my children out of school..... or applying for unemployment.....

Jedis: *Enters Oval Office*

US President: *On the phone* Yes, another war! ...I can't fight it alone. You see, this latest most evil organization in history is based in England.

Yoda: *To Mace Windu* I have just read the Times, it seems this President is the most dumb person in the White House. Difficult, communicating with him will be.

Mace Windu: We will have to lower our superior intellect in order for him to understand exactly what we are and what Dark Lord Can is.

US President: Just see what you can do, Yes, get some intell from one of the members. *Places Phone down* *Looks up*

US President: Hey! It's Yoda and Mace Windu!

The Snitch

Can, Angel and Wolf descend further into the bowels of the earth. Finally, they could see light coming from below, through the transparent elevator tube. They were in a huge factory, in the center of the factory was the Death Satellite. A huge circular device with power to destroy whole countries. Hundreds of Wolftroopers are working to finish the development of this Weapon of Mass Destruction

All: *Steps out from the Elevator*

Wolf: *Hands over a clipboard* Here is a status report

Can: How long until completion?

Wolf: Two days.

Can: And the Wolftroopers?

Wolf: They are working well, we have over two thousand of them and we are creating more.

Can: Good, get this done soon. We're going to need them.

The White House:

Mace Windu: Mr. President! We have come to warn you you of a great new evil that is planning to take over the world!

Mr. President: Yes, Dark Lord Can. I know.

Mace Windu: *To Yoda* This guy is supposed to be dumb?

US President: But lets forget her for now. Tell me, *Serious Face* Can I play with your Lightsaber?

Mace Windu: Lightsaber? .... How do you know all this?!

US President: George Lucas's Star Wars movies.

Yoda: George Lucas?!

US President: You know him, huh?

Mace Windu: He was a soothsayer we banished into this galaxy some decades ago. He was constantly spouting garbage like "The Chosen One" "Fall of the Jedi" "Rise of the Empire" "Annie"

Yoda: And he's making movies?! Of us?!

Mace Windu: This is an outrage! We should sue for copyright violation!

Yoda: I wonder who's playing me?

The Streets of London:

Stuart: Starts munching his candy as he goes near a garbage bin. Tosses the wrapper towards the bin, it falls on the rim at an angle suggesting that it will enter the basket, but nooooo! It goes the other way and on falls on the street.

Stuart: Oh well, *Walks away*

Police siren blares! Dozens of police cars surround Stuart and they take attack positions. Helicopters fly into the air and throws a spotlight on Stuart. A Police loudspeaker blares

Police: Stuart! Surrender to us with your hands up!

Stuart: What?! What's going on?

Police: You're under arrest!

Stuart: What?! Why?!

Police: Oh, so you're resisting arrest, huh?

Stuart: No! *Puts hands up into the air*

Police: Have you no shame! Throwing candy wrappers on the streets?!

Stuart: A wrapper? You've got to be kidding me. What about when I dumped that bucket full of toxic waste on........... Oops.

Police: You make us sick! *Hauls Stuart away*

Underground The Snitch:

Wolf is still giving the tour. Suddenly, a voice goes on all around them

Voice: Hello? Is anybody here?

Wolf: Darn, somebody is in the Medical Room. *Brings out a Communicator* Identify yourself!

Voice: Merlin321! I'm here for medical treatment.

Wolf: Get out of the Medical Room, I'm busy with more important work!

Merlin321: You're the doctor!

Wolf: What has that got to do with anything?

Merlin321: Get over here or I'll use your machines to examine myself.

Wolf: Don't touch those, you'll just break them!

Merlin321: Stop me,

Wolf: Don't make me come up there

Merlin321: *CRASH!*

Wolf: Darn! *Runs away and disappears*

Can: I guess the tour's over.

Angel: Yeah, lets go.

Can: *Doesn't move*

Angel: *Doesn't move*

Can: Where's the way out?

Angel: You don't know?

Oval Office, The White House

US President: We need Britain's permission.

Mace Windu: Since when do you take permission?

US President: I don't, but the Prime Minister is a friend. *Sighs* If only The Snitch was based in France.

Mace Windu: Sheesh, do we have to visit him now?

US President: *To Yoda* How should we proceed?

Yoda: *Sulking*

Mace Windu: Oh ...... Just get over it.

Yoda: A puppet???! I am played by a puppet?! The humiliation......

US President: Oh come now, it isn't all bad.

Yoda: Really?

US President: Yeah, your face is now on breakfast cereals!


Snitch Medical Room:

Wolf: *Wiping his tears* Why in the name of all that is unholy did you think that a RACK is a medical device?:)

Merlin321: Er.. maybe because it was in the MEDICAL ROOM! What is that anyway?

Wolf: When I get it fixed, I'll put you in it and you'll see.

Merlin321: Cool, what about my check-up.

Wolf: Fine, what's wrong with you?

Merlin321: I think I have the cold.

Wolf: Cold? Cold! Millions of diseases out there and you come to me with the one that I can't cure? I laugh at your patheticness, get out.

Merlin321: Okay, I DON'T have the cold. I think I have a exotic disease that I got in a strange exotic land when I was ...... spying..... for the MI5.

Wolf: Now, we're talking. Have a seat.

Merlin321: *Takes a seat*

Wolf: *Brings a scanner* This will only take a minute

Five hours later

Merlin321: *Strapped to a bed* Oh come on! Let me go!

Wolf: In a minute!

Merlin321: But, your scanner said there was nothing wrong!

Wolf: My scanner is wrong! You have a high temperature, your nose is running and you have a headache. These are sure signs of a terrible disease afflicting you.

Merlin321: Like a COLD?!

Wolf: Yes, it could be a cold...

Merlin321: I told you....

Wolf: On the other hand, it could be the early signs of Betazoidian 8473. *Serious Face* The victims usually report cold-like symptoms, but in a matter of days....... *Shakes head* Horrible... just horrible... the last moments of their life, they scream and scream, pleading that they be killed to escape the extreme pain.

Merlin321: *Worried face*

Wolf: *Smiling* Oh, but I'm sure you don't have that.

Merlin321: *Extremely Worried Face*

A Snitch Corridor:

Elevator: *Can and Angel collapse out*

Angel: We found it! We're home!

Can: Darn that labyrinth factory! I am going to murder Wolf!

Angel: Would it kill him to have signs?!

ClosetHPF: What happened to you two?

Can: *To Angel* Shhhh

Angel: We got lost.

Can: Angel!

ClosetHPF: *Laughing* That's funny!

Can: Stop laughing!

ClosetHPF: I'm sorry *Stops laughing* ............... *Starts laughing again*

Can: *Threatening* I'm warning you....

ClosetHPF: Are you going to stop me?

Can: *Builds herself up...... then deflates* No............... *Walks away*

Angel: You brute! You hurt her feelings!

ClosetHPF: Never hurt the feelings of an evil Dark Lord....... Wait, that's actually good advice.

Angel: Men! *Storms away*

Snitch Medical Room:

Wolf: *Holding a strange, specialized piece of equipment* Stop fidgeting!

Merlin321: Must escape....... must ....get ... freedom.

Wolf: This test will be over in a few seconds.... If I stop now I'll have to start from scratch.

ClosetHPF: Hey Wolf!

Wolf: *Drops specialized piece of equipment* We'll have to start over.

ClosetHPF: What's the matter with him?

Wolf: I believe its Betazoidian 8473. Stay away from him.

ClosetHPF: Is it contagious? Will I get infected?

Wolf: On second thought come as close as you like.

ClosetHPF: Those animal-rights protesters are still outside, they are now burning statues of you.

Wolf: Looks like I have to deal with them *Walks out*

ClosetHPF: *Stares at Merlin321*

Merlin321: I want freedom!

The Snitch front doors:

Draco: *Standing beside the door* And then! I took the fluffy little bunny, smashed it with a hammer and gave it to the cook who made some nice bunny soup!

Animal Rights protesters: *ROARS!* *Tries in vain to break down the door*

Draco: This is just too easy.

Wolf: Ooh, ooh. Let me play!

Draco: Be my guest.

Wolf: Ahem,....... I am WOLF!

Animal Rights protesters: *ROARS* *Deafeningly loud* *Nearly succeed in breaking down the doors*

Draco: You win.

Wolf: Of course! We go way back.

Animal Rights protesters: Heed our demands or be punished!

Wolf: Fine, fine. What do you want?

Animal Rights protesters: Release the mad dogs!

Wolf: Done. *Pushes "Release mad dogs" button*

Animal Rights protesters: YEEAAARRRRRGGHH!!!

Draco: *In awe* You are evil....

Wolf: Thank you, thank you *Bows*

Snitch Medical Room:

Wolf: *Enters room*

ClosetHPF: You just have a cold, take these for your throat and headache and you'll be fine in a couple of days.

Merlin321: Thanks a lot! This is what I wanted in the first place! *Takes medicine and runs!*

Wolf: *To ClosetHPF* You can't treat people! You're a lawyer!

ClosetHPF: Actually the RBGK chip that you put in my brain has all the latest medical techniques and procedures. I am a fully qualified doctor.

Wolf: *Incensed* You...... you.....

ClosetHPF: *Mobile Phone rings* Excuse me, I have to take this. *Answers phone*

The Snitch Law department..... Stuart? What happened? Wolf retreats behind ClosetHPF and retrieves a VERY big hammer Jail? For a Wrapper? They can't do that! Wolf moves behind ClosetHPF and swings Look, I'll be right over. Wolf loses control of the hammer and it lands on his foot

ClosetHPF: Look, I need to go. Tell Can that Stuart is in jail *Leaves*

Wolf: Ow, ow. *Hopping around on one foot* ........... And stay out!

Snitch Throne room:

Angel: *Enters room* All right, what's the matter?

Can: I'm feeling...... lost.

Angel: What do you mean?

Can: I mean, are we making a difference? Am I making a difference?

Angel: Sure you are, things are progressing well. The Death Sat's almost complete.

Can: Yes, ultimate power of a thousand nuclear bombs. But are we ever going to use it?

Angel: Sure we will! I.... I think so.

Can: There! Right there, that's what I'm talking about. We have no conviction! Nothing is driving us, is this all a lie? Are we just deluding ourselves?

Draco: Of COURSE you are

Can: *Bangs head on desk* Oh great, you again.

Police Station:

Interrogator: *Low slow untold voice* Hmm, so you're Stuart, huh?

Stuart: *Tied to a chair* Yes sir.

Interrogator: You know, Stuart. I've interrogated terrorists, criminal masterminds, drug lords and you know what? You know what happened to every single one of them?

Stuart: *Worried face*

Interrogator: They all got away. *Low slow untold voice* I'm not going to let that happen with you.

Stuart: Right.

Interrogator: See this badge?

Stuart: Yes,

Interrogator: I did not get this badge by arresting criminals, handing out parking tickets or helping old ladies across the street........... I got this badge by taking it from a superior officer when he was asleep.

Stuart: Really?

Interrogator: It was my finest moment.

Stuart: I think so too, sir.

Interrogator: Now tell me, Stuart.....

Stuart: You're not getting anything from me!

Interrogator: Tell me about Can, what is she up to?

Stuart: Oh Can! Well, She's creating a Death Sat that can destroy whole countries with the power of a thousand nuclear bombs. She has also cloned thousands of our mad-doctor to create a cloned army.

Interrogator: *Writing all this down* Yes, yes. Very helpful. When is this Death Sat going to be complete?

Stuart: In two days

Interrogator: Great co-operation Stuart! You've made a friend in me.

Stuart: Does that mean you letting me go?

Interrogator: No, you still broke the law when you dumped that candy wrapper,

Stuart: So... You're untying me?

Interrogator: Heh heh, ........... No.

The Snitch Throne Room:

Draco: You are the stupid, sorry excuse for an Evil person.

Can: I am not!

Draco: Really, what's the last evil thing you did?

Can: So many!

Draco: Like...... ?

Can: *Thinks hard* I killed those Jedi!

Draco: In self-defense! They did attack you.

Can: But.. but.. I was mean to them.

Draco: They tortured Stu!

Can: Okay fine! *Thinks hard* I..... I overthrew Queen Jess!

Draco: No you didn't, Angel did.

Angel: That's right, it was me.

Can: I...... er turned Angel to the Dark Side!

Draco: Oh please, she was already master of the Penguins and dealing with the MIB before you even tasted the Dark Side. She was the most kick-butt mod in the old order.

Angel: Thank you *Looks evil*

Can: I.....I.... mortally injured the Daily Prophet photographer!

Draco: Is that why he jumped up thirty seconds later and ran to the nearest Ice-Cream?

Can: I......I...... took over Slytherin house!

Draco: Anybody can take over those bunch of dunderheads. Believe me, I know.

Can: *Complete silence*

Police Station:

ClosetHPF: *Barges into the holding cells* *Sees Stuart* I demand that he be released at once!

Interrogator: He broke the law! He stays.

ClosetHPF: I'll have you know that he ........ Legal blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Legal blah blah blah blah He was just blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

Interrogator: *Hands on ears* Ohh..... The pain. Guard, throw him in too.

ClosetHPF: blah blah blah blah .......What?! Why?

Interrogator: Harassing a police officer!

Guard: *Throws ClosetHPF in*

ClosetHPF: This.... this blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

Interrogator and Guard: *Leaves with hands on their heads*

ClosetHPF: *Sighs* I can't believe this *Sits down*

Stuart: Hey Closet?

ClosetHPF: Yeah?

Stuart: How come I'm the one that always gets tied to the chair?

ClosetHPF: *Shakes head* I don't know *Unties Stuart*

Stuart: That's better.

ClosetHPF: Did you tell them anything?

Stuart: They know about the Death Sat and the Wolftroopers.

ClosetHPF: Darn, they must have tortured you real bad.

Stuart: Er.... yeah, real bad.

The Snitch Throne Room:

Draco: So face it little princess, you're nothing! You are a fraud and will never become a true Dark Lord!

Can: *Silence*

Draco: I now take my leave *Goes through walls*

Angel: Oh you know how Draco is

Can: He's right.

Angel: You really think so?

Can: Yes, I tried to change the Snitch from within but it seems the Snitch is changing me. Changing me back to the way I was.

Angel: I don't believe that.

Can: *Solemnly* It's true.

Angel: Be that as it may, we have a fantastic team here. A team that is getting close to taking over the world!

Wolf: *On Intercom* Wolf to Can

Can: Can here.

Wolf: I just got a call and it seems that Stuart and ClosetHPF are now currently in the local jail.

Can: What?!

Wolf: and ..... *Crash!*

Can: What was that?

Wolf: Those animal rights protesters are back and they're armed with stink bombs. They throwing more and more through the broken window! Wheeze...... I got to get out of here! Wolf out.

Can: *Silence*

Angel: Er......

Can: I quit.

Angel: What?!

Can: Assemble the Mods in one hour. I'll make my announcement then *Leaves*

The Game Room:

Can: *Enters and falls on a couch*

Wolf: Rough day?

Can: What are you doing here?

Wolf: Medical Room is out of bounds right now. I had to go somewhere. What about you?

Can: I'm quiting the Snitch.

Wolf: Okay

Can: Okay? That's it?

Wolf: What do you want me to say?

Can: *Sighs* I don't know.

Wolf: Why are you quiting?

Can: Because I'm an utter failure as a Dark Lord.

Wolf: You realize that just now?

Can: What?

Wolf: Ever since I first saw you as the Dark Lord. I knew you were going to have problems.

Can: Because I'm just not cut out for something like this?

Wolf: Because you are

Can: I'm confused.

Wolf: You can be a great Dark Lord if you want to, it's just that you still have many of your previous "Sweet Chica" tendencies

Can: So....?

Wolf: You have come to a turning point in your life, If you want to embrace your destiny as Dark Lord of the Snitch. Let go of your "Sweet Chica" past become a true Dark Lord. If however, you want to return to being a Sweet Chica then go that path.

Can: I like being a sweet chica, but I like being a Dark Lord too. I want to be both.

Wolf: You can't be both, you have to choose.

Can: I think I want to be a Dark Lord.

Wolf: Good but If you're going to be a true Dark Lord, then you have to act like one. You can't be anybody's "Pal" or "Friend" anymore. Those days will be in the past.

Can: What else would I have to do?

Wolf: You have to realize that Dark Lords do not compromise, ever since you took command of the Snitch you have been trying to push through reforms slowly and cautiously, compromising with everybody.

Can: I was afraid that the Snitch users would abandon us if we went too fast.

Wolf: A true Dark Lord orders and her minons follow, if they do not then they are ... "Cast aside" so that the others will look on in fear. A true Dark Lord sets the rules and everybody complies or suffers her wrath.

Can: Will I be able to do that? Become that kind of person? I mean..... I haven't actually done much evil at all.

Wolf: Oh, I wouldn't say that. I DO see a more mean and selfish atmosphere around here and remember that one Jedi that you handed over to me? *Evil grin* He isn't in good shape.

Can: Really?

Wolf: Yes, and I'm currently engaging in acts of Evil that were not possible earlier. This is all because of you.

Can: You seem more the type to be a Dark Lord.

Wolf: Not really, I'm not leadership material. You are.

Can: *Thinks* I'm still not sure.

Wolf: We are what we are because of our choices. Choose what you want, just make sure you choose correctly. *Gets up to leave*

Can: Where are you going?

Wolf: To get a gas mask and get into the Medical Room. If you leave my job is gone as well *Leaves*

Can: *Remains in the Game Room. Wondering what she should do*

Snitch Assembly Room, all of the Snitch Users and the Mods are here, waiting for the announcement.

Can: *Steps onto the podium* My fellow members, as of one hour ago today, I resigned my position as the Dark Lord.

The Snitch members: *Claps* Yea!

Snitch Mod 6: Great! Are Demeter and Gary returning?

Can: *Continuing* But then I spoke to my newly appointed Counselor and I have now withdrawn my resignation.

The Snitch members: Oh.

Can: *Truly Evil Smile* And now, a few things are going to change.... First, Martial Law is now in effect.

The Snitch members: What?!

Can: A new code of conduct is being instituted that all of you have to follow with NO exceptions. All statues, pictures and other media of Harry Potter and co will be destroyed.

The Snitch members: *Outrage*

Can: Anybody who disagrees with these new laws will be severely punished!

The Snitch members: *Silence*

Can: Anybody that rebels will be killed.

The Snitch: *Pin-Drop silence*

Can: The Mods are will increase patrols to see that order is kept.

Snitch Mod 3: *Whispers to another mod* More work for us?! This is so........

Can: Each of the Mods will be given Wolftroopers to command, to aide them in these new times.

Snitch Mod 3: ......Great! I get to command my own troopers!

Andi: *Walks towards Angel* This is isn't right.

Angel: Of course it is! Can is now sharing power with the mods.

Andi: Corrupting us with power more like.

Angel: This is for the good of the Snitch.

Andi: For good of Can, actually.

Angel: Oh, stop it. Ms. Doubting. Now go and take your Wolftroopers.

Andi: I'm not touching those *Leaves*

The Assembly now over, Wolf leads the Mods into the factory. Where each Mod is given a number of five troopers to command. The Mods return back to the Snitch corrupted with their new powers and tend to their patrols with gusto. All forms of Spamming, Kewl Talk, Newbie foolishness and unnecessary niceness is clamped down hard

Snitch Mod 3: You there! Stop spamming!

Spammer: Make me!

Wolftrooper: *Points at him with his AK-47*

Spammer: Don't kill me! I'll stop! I'll stop!

Snitch Mod 5: You there newbie! What are you doing here?!

Newbie: I'm opening a thread on the delightful Fleur Delacour.

Snitch Mod 5: Have you posted an introduction?

Newbie: Did I have to?

Snitch Mod 5: *To Wolftroopers* Throw him out!

Wolftroopers: *Picks up Newbie, then throws him out of a window*

Outside the Snitch:

Can: *Comes out with a band of twenty Wolftroopers*

Animal Rights protester Leader: *Walks up to her* So you finally get the courage to meet me! Now, here is what you have to do for us to leave.

Can: *Lightsaber goes zing!*

Animal Rights protester Leader: *Mortal Terror* What are you doing?!

Can runs Lightsaber through his heart. He collapses to the ground, dead. His fellow protesters scream and start to run away

Can: Fire.

The Wolftroopers open fire at the running crowd, Men, Women, some children and elderly. The troopers aim being deadly accurate, in a matter of seconds the crowd all fall to the ground, dead.

Can: *Purposefully Walks ahead. Not at all fazed*

Police Station:

Screams, guns and calls for help fill the air. Stuart and ClosetHPF stand up in their cell, feeling like they're in a warzone.

Interrogator: *Flees into Holding area* No! Stop! Just take them and let me go!

Can: *Enters* What fun is that? I want some action *Walks up to the Interrogator*

Stuart: *I awe* Can?

Interrogator: *Cowering on the Floor* No ..... no.....no.....

Can: *Swings Lightsaber and decapitates Interrogator*

ClosetHPF: Can?

Can: *Uses her Lightsaber to cut open the bars* Come on, lets go.

ClosetHPF: Er.... I'll have a hard time defending you for that in a court of law but I think I can swing it.

Can: I don't care about that now *Starts walking away*

Stuart and ClosetHPF start to walk through the police station, dead cops were everywhere, holding they're batons and guns uselessly. Blood splattered against walls, Wolftroopers standing guard as they passed.

The Snitch Throne Room:

Angel: You.... killed them?

ClosetHPF: Yes.... well, they did torture Stu.

Stuart: .....Yeah, they did.

Wolf: And who cares for a bunch of Animal rights protesters? Those animals! Thanks Can!

Can: Your Welcome, Wolf. *To Angel* Clean those bodies out, people might see them and *Evil Smile* they might get the right idea.

Angel: Yeah... sure.

Stuart: Is this how things will be from now on?

Can: Yes, the way things SHOULD be. *Sits down on the Throne* Now, lets back to the business of taking over the world.

Draco: *Hiding in the shadows* *To Himself* So, you've gone out and proved that you're the Dark Lord type. *Scoffs* Getting a little ambitious, are we? A little too much for my tastes. You need to be taken down a peg, humbled a bit. Better yet, you need to be destroyed. Voldemort is supposed to become the Dark Lord. You need to be put back in your place and I'll do what I can in my limited power to destroy you.

Oval Office, The White House:

White House Aides: *Burst through doors, wheeling in a TV set* Emergency call from the British Prime Minister.

US President: *In the middle of a game of Cards with the Jedi* Can't it wait? I got a good set.

White House Aide: No sir.

US President: Darn, why am I friends with this guy?

TV: *Switches on and the British Prime Minister appears*

British Prime Minister: I have just received Intelligence that..... Hey! It's Yoda and Mace Windu!

Mace Windu: Stop it, stop it, stop it!

Yoda: What Intelligence, do you speak of?

British Prime Minister: It seems Can has created a Death Sat and a cloned army in the thousands.

Yoda: Troubling this information, is.

British Prime Minister: And that's not all, she is responsible for the murder of many Animal rights activists and the killing of an entire district Police Force. In light of this, I have no choice but to join your War effort.

US President: Excellent! I will have Congress declare war today.

British Prime Minister: I'll have the Parliament declare War as well. How soon can we all strike?

Mace Windu: I'm having a Republic battleship with a ton of battle driods flown in from the Republic.

US President: US troops and fighter jets will arrive there overnight.

British Prime Minister: I'm ordering my army in right now!

Mace Windu: We all are going to have a busy night.

US President: Indeed, tomorrow we march to war!

"Here endeth the Chapter"


Next chapter is the Series Finale




  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPip
  • 236 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Houston, Texas, USA
  • I am a:Wizard
  • House:Hufflepuff
Wow! Another great chapter. I can't believe it's almost over. !!! A war against DLC. Sign me up! Actually, I am signing up for the position as head of the grand army. I would like to be the one who finally stops DLC. But if I can't, I'd at least like to have a funny scene between me and the U.S. President!

Thanks for letting me be in the story so far. I have really enjoyed this story.





  • .:Snitch Members:.
  • PipPip
  • 529 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Rhode Island
  • I am a:Wizard
  • House:Gryffindor
:P That was great. I loved the part with me. Wolf is really evil. :P :lol:

I also liked the part with George Lucas. And Yoda freaking out. :lol:

And if you want to use me for anything else I don't mind. :D

Great writing everyone. :D


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users